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Sometimes you are tired of your partner, but if you feel you are in a boring relationship where you are stuck in an unsatisfactory pattern, you may need more help. Here we look at how you can move forward.

Living in a boring relationship

Being in a boring relationship can sometimes be hard to recognize, especially when boredom creeps in gradually. One sign of being in such a relationship is a lack of enthusiasm for spending time together, where joint activities or plans feel more like a routine than something to look forward to. Days can start to feel repetitive with nothing new or exciting happening, and you end up in the same pattern every day. Communication between you may have become superficial or limited to practical matters, and deep or meaningful conversations are rare.

Another sign is that physical intimacy has declined; you have less physical contact than before and your sex life may have become less frequent or passionate. You may also start doing things separately instead of seeking shared experiences, and you may feel a lack of excitement or joy in seeing your partner or planning the future together. Thoughts of what life would be like without your partner or with someone else may emerge, indicating a desire for change. Small things that were previously ignored may start to irritate more than usual.

If you recognize these signs, it could be a sign that your relationship is in a period of boredom. It is important to remember that many relationships go through phases where enthusiasm is lower, but with open communication and a willingness to work together, there are opportunities to reintroduce excitement and strengthen the bonds in your relationship.

A study conducted by the Australian Institute of Family Studies (AIFS) found that 71% of women and 62% of men who went to couples counselling were satisfied with the type of counselling they received. The study also found that over 80% of participants would recommend counselling to others.

What set our therapist apart was her genuine empathy and personal insight. Not only did she possess a deep understanding of neurodiversity, but she also shared personal experiences that resonated with us, creating an instant connection and fostering a sense of trust!

Benedetta Osarenk

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What can you do if you are in a boring relationship?

If you feel that your relationship has become boring, there are several ways to reintroduce excitement and deeper connection. Here are some steps you can consider:

1. Communication

The first step is to talk openly with your partner about your feelings. Express that you want to improve your relationship and discuss possible ways to do so. It is important that you are both honest and open during this discussion.

2. Spend quality time together

In many relationships, boredom becomes a problem when couples stop spending quality time together. Plan regular date nights, try new activities together, or even plan a trip to break the routine.

3. Try new things

Trying new things together can reintroduce excitement into the relationship. It can be anything from trying a new hobby, learning a new skill together, or exploring new places.

4. Improve your sexual relationship

Some of the boredom can come from a predictable sex life. Talk about your desires, try new things in the bedroom or plan romantic evenings to rekindle the passion.

5. Set common goals

Having common goals can strengthen your bond by working towards something together. It could be anything from saving money for a future trip, training for a half marathon, or learning a new skill together.

6. Show appreciation

Show appreciation for the little things your partner does. Small gestures of love and appreciation can make big differences in how you feel about each other.

7. Seek professional help

If you find it difficult to break the cycle of boredom on your own, it may be a good idea to seek professional help. A marriage counsellor can offer strategies and tools to improve your relationship.

Feeling that a relationship has become boring is not unusual, but with open communication, a willingness to try new things, and a commitment to work together, you and your partner can revitalize your relationship and make it more satisfying and exciting.

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What is couples therapy?

Couple therapy is psychotherapy that helps couples resolve conflicts, improve communication and strengthen their relationship. It is suitable for couples in all relationship types and focuses on addressing issues that affect the health of the relationship. In therapy, the couple works with the therapist to understand the core issues, improve communication, manage disagreements and strengthen their relationship.

This involves exploring the history of the relationship, improving the expression of thoughts and feelings, addressing specific problems such as finances or parenting, and developing conflict management strategies. Couples therapy is valuable during crises like infidelity or major changes, and the goal is to help the couple understand what is best for them, whether that means staying together or separating in a healthy way.

The therapist acts as a neutral, supportive and objective party who helps the couple navigate through their problems without taking sides or placing blame. Seeking couples therapy can be a powerful step towards revitalizing a relationship and building a stronger, more fulfilling future together.

Treatment for relationship problems

Couples therapy begins with initial sessions where the therapist gets to know the couple and their challenges, followed by setting joint goals to improve the relationship, such as better communication or conflict management. The work phase focuses on developing communication skills, resolving conflicts, working through emotional issues and introducing positive behavioural changes, with active input from both partners. The process ends with an evaluation and a plan to maintain and improve the relationship further. The therapist’s role is to guide and support the couple through this process, where the couple’s involvement is crucial for success. Couple therapy aims to provide insights and tools for a stronger and more satisfying relationship.

Different methods of couple therapy

There are several different approaches to couple therapy, each with their own theoretical basis and techniques to help couples improve their relationship. Here are two evidence-based approaches that are commonly used in couple therapy:

1. Integrative Behavioural Therapy for couples (IBCT)

IBCT aims to help couples accept the irreconcilable differences between them and work on increasing closeness and understanding by improving emotional acceptance and empathic communication. The method combines behavioural changes with acceptance strategies. It is an evidence-based approach, meaning that it has been shown to produce good results in research and is a further development of cognitive behavioural therapy for couples.

2. Emotionally Focussed Therapy (EFT)

EFT is a method that focuses on strengthening the emotional bond between partners by exploring the emotional responses that underlie the couple’s interaction patterns. The therapy helps couples identify and express their underlying emotional needs and learn to meet each other’s needs in a more satisfying way. EFT is an evidence-based approach that has been shown to produce good results in research.

Each method has its own strengths and may be more or less appropriate depending on the couple’s specific situation and needs. There are also other methods such as the Gottman Method, other couple therapies and literature that can be helpful in learning more about relationships. Many couple therapists use a combination of these methods to best address the couple’s unique challenges.

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12 common questions and answers about boring relationships

What is a boring relationship?

A boring relationship is one where a pattern has developed for various reasons that leads to boredom. It can be caused by various factors but can be changed.

What are the signs of a boring relationship?

It can be that you are in a predictable routine, communication is mostly about practical things, less physical intimacy, doing things individually instead of together, thinking about others and getting annoyed with your partner.

Can you change a boring relationship?

Many relationships go through phases where enthusiasm is lower, but with open communication and a willingness to work together, there are opportunities to reintroduce excitement and strengthen the bonds in your relationship. In this way, commitment and excitement can return.

What can you do if you are in a boring relationship?

There are several things you can do such as improving communication, having more quality time together, trying new things and developing your sex life. You can also set common goals and show more appreciation. If necessary, couples therapy can also be helpful.

What is couples therapy?

Couples therapy is a form of psychotherapy that aims to help couples understand and resolve conflicts, improve their relationship and communication, and strengthen the closeness of the relationship.

How does treatment for relationship problems work?

Treatment often starts with an assessment phase to identify problems and patterns. This is followed by an active treatment phase where work on tools and strategies to change patterns is central. Finally, there is a closing phase where the treatment is summarized for further work after the therapy.

What is IBCT?

IBCT (Integrative Behavioural Couple Therapy) is an evidence-based therapy that aims to help couples accept the differences between them and work on increasing closeness and understanding by improving emotional acceptance and empathic communication. It combines behavioral changes with acceptance strategies.

What is EFT?

EFT (Emotionally Focussed Therapy) is an evidence-based therapy that focuses on building and strengthening the emotional bond between couples by exploring and reshaping the negative patterns of interaction that contribute to conflict and distance in the relationship.

I live in a loveless marriage, what should I do?

A first step is to try some of the solutions we suggest in the text above such as communication, quality time and trying new things. If you have already tried that, it may be helpful to go to couples’ therapy to get more help to change the pattern that has developed in the relationship.

I feel tired of my partner, can I find the spark again?

All relationships go through phases and sometimes you can get tired of your partner, but there are many ways to rekindle the excitement. If you need more help, you can also go to couples therapy.

My partner has mental health problems, can we go to counseling?

If you have problems with depression or other mental health issues such as addiction, it is important to seek help for this separately from couples therapy. These problems need to be addressed before you can get a good result from couple therapy.

Where can I seek help?

If you want to go to therapy, we recommend that you contact a licensed psychologist or therapist who works with couples. You can book a first appointment with one of our therapists here at Lavendla. We make the hard things easier.

Treatment for relationship problems with Integrative Behavioural Couples Therapy (IBCT)

Integrative Behavioural Couple Therapy (IBCT) is an evidence-based form of couple therapy that aims to help couples improve their relationship by accepting each other and increasing the couple’s emotional closeness. IBCT combines traditional behavioural therapy techniques with a focus on both change and acceptance. Here is how a treatment with IBCT usually works:

Initial phase

  • Assessment: Treatment begins with a thorough assessment of the couple’s relationship, including their current problems, relationship history, and each party’s perspectives and experiences.
  • Feedback session: The therapist provides feedback based on the initial assessment. This phase often includes discussions about the couple’s strengths and areas that need development.

Work phase

  • Focus on acceptance: IBCT emphasizes the importance of accepting unbridgeable differences between partners. The therapist works with the couple to help them understand and empathically accept each other’s needs, desires, and patterns of behaviour that cannot be easily changed.
  • Emotional closeness: By encouraging openness and communication, the therapist helps the couple increase their emotional closeness and understanding of each other.
  • Behaviour change: Although the focus is on acceptance, IBCT also includes strategies for behaviour change. This can involve developing new communication skills, solving problems, and working on improving daily interactions.


  • Evaluation of progress: The therapist and the couple together evaluate the progress made during therapy and discuss any future steps or continued support.

IBCT focuses on helping couples develop a deeper understanding and acceptance of each other, which can lead to a more satisfying and sustainable relationship. By balancing acceptance with active change efforts, IBCT aims to reduce conflict, increase closeness and strengthen the emotional bond between partners.

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Written by melissa

Melissa is a Certified Kinesiologist who focusses on a client-centred, holistic and integrative approach to health and wellness. She has extensive experience in managing stress, anxiety, fears, phobias and trauma in her clients. Melissa uses visual and auditory feedback to directly access and solve the cause of psychological stressors in the body so that optimal well-being and balance is achieved.