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Some babies may need more attention, comfort and engagement than others. They are sometimes called 'high-need babies'. Here we explain what this means and what you can do as a parent.
What is a high-need baby?
The term ‘high-need baby’ refers to babies who show a more intense level of need than normal. These children may require more attention, comfort and involvement from their parents or caregivers. Characteristics often associated with high-need babies include:
- Intense need for closeness: They often want to be held or carried more than other children.
- Difficulty sleeping: They may have difficulty falling asleep and wake up more often during the night.
- Intense reactions: The infant may show very strong reactions to hunger, fatigue or other discomforts.
- Requires frequent nursing or feeding: They may want to nurse or eat more often, sometimes as a form of comfort rather than hunger.
- Difficulty calming themselves: High-need babies can be more difficult to calm when upset and may not always find comfort in standard soothing methods.
- Sensitivity to the environment: They may be more sensitive to light, sound or changes in the environment.
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The concept of high-need babies was popularized by Dr. William Sears, an American pediatrician, who observed that some children seem to have a higher need for physical closeness and attention in order to feel safe and content. It is important to note that these characteristics are not a medical diagnosis but rather describe a pattern of behaviour that requires more parental support and adaptation.
What can you do as a parent?
Parenting a high-need baby can be demanding and exhausting, but some strategies and approaches can make life easier and strengthen the bond between you and your child. Here are some tips:
1. Accept your child’s needs
Accepting that your child has higher needs than others can help you adjust your expectations and find the patience needed to meet those needs with understanding and love.
2. Create closeness
Physical closeness, such as hugs, skin-to-skin contact and wearing a baby carrier or sling, can provide comfort and security to your high-need child. This can also strengthen your bond.
3. Flexible routines
While routines are important for all children, high-need babies may require more flexibility. Be ready to adapt schedules based on your child’s signals and needs.
4. Learn calming techniques
Different babies are calmed in different ways. Experiment with rocking, singing, soothing sounds or quiet walks to see what works best for your baby.
5. Prioritize sleep
Sleep deprivation is common for parents of high-need babies. Try to rest when your baby rests and ask for help to take short breaks to recover.
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6. Simplify your life
Minimize other sources of stress in your life as much as possible. This may mean asking for help from family and friends, lowering expectations for household chores or taking a break from social commitments.
7. Seek support
Finding a community or support group with other parents of high-need babies can be invaluable. Sharing experiences and getting support from those who understand can make a big difference.
8. Take care of yourself
Don’t forget about your own wellbeing. Eating healthily, exercising and giving yourself mental rest are essential to being the parent your child needs.
9. Professional help
If you feel overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A pediatrician, child psychologist or family counsellor can offer valuable support and advice.
Parenting a high-need baby is challenging, but it is also an opportunity to build a deep and meaningful relationship with your child. Through patience, love and the right support, you can navigate this unique journey.
Treatment with a child psychologist
Parenting a high-need baby can be challenging, but seeking help is an important step in dealing with these challenges effectively. Turning to a pediatrician, child psychologist, support groups, or family and friends can provide necessary resources and relief. Child psychologists are usually available through referral from a family doctor or local clinic. Additionally, information about government programs for parents and caregivers of infants and children can be found at https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/child-infant-health/supports-programs-pregnancy.html .
Seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a strong measure to ensure that both you and your child get the support you need. Remember, your own health is just as important, and taking care of yourself will help you be the parent your high-need child needs. Seeking help from a child psychologist is an important step when a child is experiencing mental health difficulties. Feel free to consult one of our child psychologists at Lavendla if needed.
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12 frequently asked questions about high-need babies
What is a high-need baby?
The term high need baby refers to babies who show a more intense level of need than average. These babies may require more attention, comfort and involvement from their parents or caregivers.
What characterizes a high-need baby?
High-need babies require more closeness and may have difficulties with sleep, show strong reactions, need frequent breastfeeding or feeding, and may be extra sensitive to their environment.
Who developed the concept of high-need babies?
The concept of high-need babies was popularized by Dr. William Sears, an American pediatrician, who observed that some children seem to have a higher need for physical closeness and attention in order to feel safe and content.
Is high-need baby a diagnosis?
It is important to note that these characteristics are not a medical diagnosis but rather a way to describe a pattern of behaviour that requires more parental support and adaptation.
What can you do as a parent of a high-need baby?
Parenting a high-need baby requires patience and creativity, with strategies such as accepting the child’s needs, creating physical proximity, flexible routines, learning calming techniques, prioritizing sleep, simplifying life, seeking support, self-care, and sometimes professional help to make life easier and strengthen the relationship with your child.
How long do babies need to sleep?
Babies usually sleep between 15 to 18 hours per day in the first few months, but sleep patterns can vary, with periods of sleep ranging from a few minutes to several hours at a time.
My baby cries a lot, what can I do?
If an infant is crying, it may help to gently rock the baby, offer food, check their diaper, or create a calming environment. It is also important to check if the baby needs comforting or has other immediate needs that need to be met. Caring for a newborn can be overwhelming, it is okay to ask for help.
What is a child psychologist?
A child psychologist is a licensed professional with knowledge and experience in working with the well-being and mental health of children and parents.
What does a child psychologist do?
Child psychologists offer therapy and counselling but also work with families, parents and schools to help support children’s mental health.
Can I see a child psychologist privately?
Yes, it is possible to see a child psychologist privately. At Lavendla we have several psychologists who have extensive experience of working with children and young people.
Can I see a child psychologist online?
Yes, it is possible to have a treatment online via video. We have several child psychologists who work digitally at Lavendla.
Where can I go if I or my child needs help from a child psychologist?
Child psychologists are usually available through referral from a family doctor or local clinic. At Lavendla we have experienced child psychologists who can also help.
How can a treatment with a child psychologist work?
Seeking help from a child psychologist is an important step when a child is experiencing psychological difficulties or if you are having difficulties as a parent. Here is a brief overview of what treatment can look like:
1. Initial Assessment
An initial consultation involves the psychologist assessing needs through conversations with the child and parents.Initial consultation where the psychologist assesses needs through conversations with the child and parents.
2. Treatment plan
An individualized plan is developed based on the child’s specific situation and needs. Common approaches include play therapy for younger children, where play is used as a tool for expression and processing. Talk therapy and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) are often used for older children, which focuses on changing negative thought patterns and behaviours. Other methods such as family therapy can also be helpful.
3. Parental counselling
Parents receive guidance and support to better help their child at home.
4. Monitoring and adjustment
The treatment plan is continuously evaluated and adjusted as needed to ensure the best possible outcome.
A first step in seeking help
It is important to remember that each child is unique, and therefore treatment may vary. Working together with a child psychologist can give you and your child the tools they need to manage their emotions and behaviours in a healthy way. At Lavendla, we have child psychologists who can help make the difficult easier.
