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No one is happy all the time, but if you're constantly feeling irritable and struggling to make a change, you may need support. Here we look at how to move forward.
What is irritation?
Irritation is a common emotion that can occur in many situations and can affect people in different ways. Frustration or stress can often trigger irritation. It can also be caused by the feeling of being overwhelmed by circumstances or other people’s behaviour.
Irritation itself is a natural and sometimes unavoidable part of the human experience. However, the way we manage and respond to these feelings is crucial to our emotional well-being as well as our relationships with others. Irritation can vary in intensity from mild discomfort to intense anger. Understanding its causes and effects can help us develop strategies to manage these emotions more constructively.
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By learning to identify what triggers our irritation and developing healthy ways to express and process these feelings, we can reduce its negative impact on our lives and improve our overall well-being and relationships.
What causes irritation?
A range of factors can lead to irritation. This includes high levels of stress or physical fatigue that can reduce patience, unmet expectations from different situations or people, and communication problems that lead to misunderstandings. Differences in values, behaviours or personalities can also cause irritation. Additionally, irritation can result from feelings of powerlessness in situations where one cannot influence the outcome.
Physical discomfort or chronic pain, problems such as anxiety or depression, and environmental factors such as noise or extreme weather can contribute to increased irritability. Hormonal changes, such as those that occur during pregnancy or the menstrual cycle, and lack of sleep also have a significant impact on mood and can make a person more prone to feeling irritable. Understanding these triggers is the key to managing irritation more effectively.
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How can you manage irritation?
Managing anger towards a partner or child requires open communication. State the reasons for your irritation in a non-accusatory way and take breaks to calm down when necessary. Focusing on solutions and adjusting any unrealistic expectations can also help to improve the situation.
For children, it is important to try to understand their perspective. Additionally, set clear boundaries, use positive reinforcement, set aside time to talk about their feelings, and model healthy behaviours to deal with frustration. Self-care also plays a key role in reducing irritation levels. By actively working on these strategies, you can manage irritation in a constructive way that strengthens relationships rather than damaging them. Remember, irritation is a natural part of human relationships.
What is couples therapy?
Couples therapy is psychotherapy that helps couples resolve conflicts, improve communication and strengthen their relationship. It is suitable for couples in all relationship types. It focuses on addressing issues that affect the health of the relationship. In therapy, the couple works with the therapist to understand the core issues, improve communication, manage disagreements and strengthen their relationship.
Therapy involves exploring the history of the relationship, improving the expression of thoughts and feelings, addressing specific problems such as finances or parenting, and developing conflict management strategies. Couples therapy is valuable during crises like infidelity or major changes. The goal is to help the couple understand what is best for them, whether that means staying together or separating in a healthy way.
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The therapist acts as a neutral, supportive and objective party who helps the couple navigate through their problems without taking sides or placing blame. Seeking couples therapy can be a powerful step towards revitalizing a relationship and building a stronger, more fulfilling future together.
Treatment for relationship problems
Couples therapy begins with initial sessions where the therapist gets to know the couple and their challenges. Next, joint goals are set to improve the relationship, such as better communication or conflict management. The work phase focuses on developing communication skills, resolving conflicts, working through emotional issues and introducing positive behavioural changes, with active input from both partners. The process ends with an evaluation and a plan to maintain and improve the relationship further. The therapist’s role is to guide and support the couple through this process. The couple’s involvement is crucial for success. Couples therapy aims to provide insights and tools for a stronger and more satisfying relationship.
Different methods of couples therapy
There are several different approaches to couples therapy. Each method has its own theoretical basis and techniques to help couples improve their relationship. Here are two evidence-based approaches that are commonly used in couples therapy:
1. Integrative behavioural couple therapy (IBCT)
IBCT aims to help couples accept the irreconcilable differences between them and work on increasing closeness and understanding. This is accomplished through improving emotional acceptance and empathetic communication. The method combines behavioural changes with acceptance strategies. It is an evidence-based approach, meaning that it has been shown to produce good results in research. IBCT is a further development of cognitive behavioural therapy for couples.
2. Emotion-focused therapy (EFT)
EFT is a method that focuses on strengthening the emotional bond between partners. This is accomplished through exploring the emotional responses that underlie the couple’s interaction patterns. The therapy helps couples identify and express their underlying emotional needs. Ultimately, couples learn to meet each other’s needs in a more satisfying way. EFT is an evidence-based approach that has been shown to produce good results in research.
Each method has its own strengths and may be more or less appropriate depending on the couple’s specific situation and needs. There are also other methods such as the Gottman Method, other couples therapies and literature that can be helpful in learning more about relationships. Many couples therapists use a combination of these methods to best address the couple’s unique challenges.
12 common questions and answers about irritation
What is irritation?
Irritation is a common human emotion that can occur in a variety of situations and affects people in many different ways. It is an emotional response often triggered by frustration, stress, or the feeling of being overwhelmed by circumstances or other people’s behaviour.
What causes irritation?
Irritation can be caused by various factors, including high levels of stress or physical fatigue, unmet expectations and communication problems leading to misunderstandings. Differences in values, behaviours or personalities can also create irritation, as can feelings of powerlessness.
How can irritation be managed?
Managing irritation requires openly communicating the reasons for the irritation in a non-accusatory way and taking breaks when necessary. Focusing on solutions and adjusting expectations can help improve the situation. For children, it is important to try to understand their perspective, set clear boundaries, use positive reinforcement, set aside time to talk about their feelings and model healthy behaviours to deal with frustration. Additional help can be sought in therapy.
I feel irritated with my partner all the time, what should I do?
Communication about needs, and focusing on solutions and expectations are important. You can also go to couples’ therapy if there are patterns that are difficult to break on your own.
What is couples therapy?
Couples therapy is a form of psychotherapy that aims to help couples understand and resolve conflicts, improve their relationship and communication, and strengthen the closeness of the relationship.
How does treatment for relationship problems work?
Treatment often starts with an assessment phase to identify problems and patterns. This is followed by an active treatment phase where work on tools and strategies to change patterns is central. Finally, there is a closing phase where the treatment plan is reviewed and evaluated.
What is IBCT?
IBCT (integrative behavioural couple therapy) is an evidence-based therapy that aims to help couples accept the differences between them and work on increasing closeness and understanding. This is accomplished through improving emotional acceptance and empathetic communication. It combines behavioural changes with acceptance strategies.
What is EFT?
EFT (emotion-focused therapy) is an evidence-based therapy that focuses on building and strengthening the emotional bond between couples by exploring and reshaping the negative patterns of interaction that contribute to conflict and distance in the relationship.
Can we do couples therapy online?
It is possible to do couples therapy online via video. At Lavendla we have several psychologists and therapists who work digitally.
I feel annoyed with my children, what can I do about it?
If you feel annoyed with your children, it is important to try to understand their perspective, set clear boundaries, use positive reinforcement, set aside time to talk about their feelings and model healthy behaviours to deal with frustration. If necessary, more help can be sought in therapy.
My partner has mental health problems, can we go to couples therapy?
If you or your partner have untreated depression, substance use disorder, or other mental health concerns, it is important to seek help for this separately from couples therapy. Ideally, these concerns should be addressed before you pursue couples therapy to ensure the best results.
Where can I seek help?
If you want to go to therapy, we recommend that you contact a licensed psychologist or therapist who works with couples. You can book a first appointment with one of our therapists here at Lavendla. We make the difficult easier.
Treatment for relationship problems with integrative behavioural couple therapy (IBCT)
Integrative behavioural couple therapy (IBCT) is an evidence-based form of couples therapy. The aim is to help couples improve their relationship by accepting each other and increasing the couple’s emotional closeness. IBCT combines traditional behavioural therapy techniques with a focus on both change and acceptance. Here is how a treatment with IBCT usually works:
Initial phase
- Assessment: Treatment begins with a thorough assessment of the couple’s relationship. This includes their current problems, relationship history, and each party’s perspectives and experiences.
- Feedback session: The therapist provides feedback based on the initial assessment. This phase often includes discussions about the couple’s strengths and areas that need development.
Work phase
- Focus on acceptance: IBCT emphasizes the importance of accepting unbridgeable differences between partners. The therapist works with the couple to help them understand and empathetically accept each other’s needs, desires, and patterns of behaviour that cannot be easily changed.
- Emotional closeness:Â By encouraging openness and communication, the therapist helps the couple increase their emotional closeness and understanding of each other.
- Behaviour change:Â Although the focus is on acceptance, IBCT also includes strategies for behaviour change. This can involve developing new communication skills, solving problems, and working on improving daily interactions.
Closure
- Evaluation of progress:Â Together, the therapist and the couple evaluate the progress made during therapy. This includes discussing any future steps and evaluating the need for continued support.
IBCT focuses on helping couples develop a deeper understanding and acceptance of each other. This, in turn, can lead to a more satisfying and sustainable relationship. By balancing acceptance with active change efforts, IBCT aims to reduce conflict, increase closeness and strengthen the emotional bond between partners.
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