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Navigating a relationship where one or both partners experience a lack of sex drive can be difficult. No sex drive is unfortunately a common challenge that many couples face, but there are ways to manage and understand this situation.

Causes of lack of sex drive

Lack of sex drive can have several underlying causes. One common factor is psychological aspects, such as stress or depression, which can affect both men and women. Physical factors such as hormonal changes, especially during pregnancy or menopause, can also play a role. Therefore, it is important to remember that lack of sex drive is also not uncommon after childbirth, affecting both women and men.

Dealing with lack of sex drive in relationships

There are, of course, a variety of ways to cope when neither of you feel like having sex. Here we list some things that can help you rekindle your sex drive.

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Communication is key

Communication plays a central role in dealing with the lack of sex drive in a relationship. It is not uncommon for people to express things like “my wife has no sex drive” or “we have stopped sleeping” in relationships. When these problems occur, it is important that couples take the time to talk openly and honestly about their feelings and needs. What you may think is a sexually dead relationship can often be revived by talking about your experiences and trying to understand each other. This type of communication can help couples identify the reasons behind their sexual problems and find joint solutions.

Seek professional help

Sometimes it can be difficult to resolve sex drive problems on your own. In such cases, it can be beneficial to seek professional help. Therapy or counseling can be particularly useful for couples who feel that their relationship is sexless or suffering from a poor sex life. A therapist can provide insights and techniques that can help improve the relationship and sexual interaction. It is also important to remember that things like not feeling sexual desire when pregnant or after giving birth can be managed with the right support.


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Exploring new paths to intimacy

Exploring new routes to intimacy can be a solution for couples living in a sexless relationship. This may involve trying new ways of being close to each other, which do not necessarily involve sex. Creativity and openness can help rekindle intimacy. This can be anything from holding hands, to taking time for mutual massage or sharing romantic moments together. For couples who have temporarily lost their sex drive, these alternative forms of intimacy can therefore be a way to reconnect and strengthen their relationship.

Focus on emotional closeness

Emotional closeness is a fundamental part of a strong and healthy relationship. For couples who feel they have a boring sex life or no sex drive at all, it may be worth focusing on building and strengthening the emotional bond. Sharing thoughts, feelings and experiences can bring couples closer together. This, in turn, can lead to an improvement in sexual interaction. Understanding each other on a deeper level can help solve and prevent common problems such as a lack of sex drive during menopause.


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Healthy lifestyle

A healthy lifestyle can have a positive impact on your sex life. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and enough sleep can all contribute to improved sexual health. For people who experience a lack of sex drive for no apparent reason, it may be an idea to review their lifestyle habits. Reducing stress and allowing for relaxation can also be beneficial. In addition, exercises such as squeezing exercises can improve sex life. Taking care of your physical and mental health is often an important part of regaining your sex drive and improving the quality of your sexual relationship.

There is a way forward

It is important to remember that lack of sex drive is normal and can be treated. Through open communication, understanding and sometimes professional help, couples can find ways to deal with this challenge. Remember that every relationship is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. The most important thing is to be patient and supportive of each other on this journey.


9 common questions about no sex drive

What can you do if you have no sex drive?

When your sex drive decreases, it can be important to first communicate openly with your partner. Explore your feelings and needs together. It can also be rewarding to try new ways of being intimate that do not necessarily involve sex. Seeking professional help, such as a therapist or sexologist, can provide additional support and guidance.

Why do I have no sex drive?

The causes of reduced sex drive can be many and vary from person to person. Stress, fatigue, hormonal changes, relationship difficulties and mental health conditions are some common factors. It is important to remember that it is normal to experience changes in sex drive over time.

Is it normal to have absolutely no sex drive?

Yes, it can be normal to temporarily experience a total lack of sex drive. This can be due to various circumstances such as stress, health-related issues or personal crises. If the lack of sex drive persists over a long period of time, it may be advisable to consult a doctor or therapist.

Can the relationship be negatively affected by no sex drive?

A reduced sex drive can create tension in a relationship, but it is important to remember that physical intimacy is only one part of a relationship. Open communication and mutual understanding are key to dealing with these challenges. Couples therapy can be an effective way to work through these issues together.

How can I increase my sex drive?

To increase your sex drive, it can be helpful to first identify any underlying causes. A healthy lifestyle, including regular exercise and a balanced diet, can positively influence your sex drive. Taking time for relaxation and mental well-being is also important. Sometimes an open discussion with your partner about sexual preferences and fantasies can lead to a renewed sense of intimacy and increased desire.

Do my medications affect my sex drive?

Some medications, including antidepressants and contraceptives, can affect sex drive. If you suspect that your medication is affecting your sex drive, it is important to discuss this with your doctor. There may be alternative treatments or adaptations that can be made to help restore your sex drive.

Can mental health problems affect sex drive?

Yes, mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety and stress can have a major impact on sex drive. It is common for these conditions to affect both physical and emotional wellbeing, which can lead to a decrease in sexual desire. Managing these mental health conditions through therapy, medication or other support methods can help to improve sex drive.

Are there natural methods to increase sex drive?

Yes, there are several natural methods that can help increase sex drive. These include regular exercise, which can boost energy levels and improve mood, and dietary changes, such as eating foods with more aphrodisiacs. Taking time for mental relaxation and mindfulness can also be beneficial.

When should I seek professional help for my lack of sex drive?

If your lack of sex drive is affecting your quality of life, your relationship, or if there are concerns about underlying health issues, it is advisable to seek professional help. A therapist, sexologist or doctor can offer guidance and treatment tailored to your individual needs and circumstances.

How do we deal with no sex drive?

Sex drive can vary for many reasons and sometimes its absence can become a source of anxiety and stress in a relationship. Dealing with lack of sex drive requires understanding, communication and sometimes professional help. Here are some steps that can help couples address this challenge.

Acknowledge the problem

  • Before seeking help, it is important to recognize that lack of sex drive is a problem that affects the relationship. It can be difficult to talk about, but open communication is essential.

Understanding the causes

  • Many factors can affect sex drive, including stress, health conditions, medications, and psychological factors. Understanding these causes can help the couple identify solutions.

Get in touch with a therapist

  • Contacting a therapist who specializes in couples therapy and sexual health can be a big step towards improvement. The therapist can help the couple explore the reasons behind the problem and develop strategies to regain intimacy.

Participating in couples therapy

  • In couples therapy, the therapist will work with the couple to improve communication, increase understanding and strengthen the emotional connection. This may include exercises and techniques both inside and outside of therapy sessions.

Set realistic goals

  • It is important to set realistic goals and be patient. Change takes time and work from both parties. Small advances should be celebrated and seen as steps in the right direction.

Maintain open communication

  • Keep talking to each other about your feelings, expectations and experiences. Open communication is the key to solving many problems in a relationship.

If you or your partner are experiencing a lack of sex drive that is affecting your relationship, consider contacting a therapist. We at Lavendla offer contact with experienced psychologists and therapists who can help you navigate through these challenges. We make the hard things easier.

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Written by Ellen Lindgren

Licensed psychologist

Ellen is a licensed psychologist and has experience mainly in clinical psychology where she has worked with various conditions such as stress, anxiety, depression, insomnia, crises and trauma in primary care and psychiatry. She has also worked with research while studying in the US and with affective disorders and insomnia at Karolinska Institutet, Sweden.