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Growing up in a dysfunctional family is a difficult experience that can continue into adulthood. Help is available.
What is a dysfunctional family?
A family unit may be dysfunctional if there is conflict, misunderstandings or emotional neglect or abuse. This results in an unhealthy environment for its members, especially the children. In such a family structure, there can be a variety of problematic behaviours and dynamics that undermine the well-being and development of family members.
Children growing up in dysfunctional families can carry the negative effects into adulthood. This can include problems with relationships, low self-esteem and emotional problems. However, it is important to note that help is available, and many people find ways to heal and build healthier relationships going forward through therapy, support groups and personal development.
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Characteristics of a dysfunctional family
Characteristics of a dysfunctional family include behaviours and dynamics that harm the emotional and sometimes physical well-being of its members. This includes poor communication, where family members have difficulty openly expressing feelings and needs, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. Emotional and physical abuse may occur, creating an unsafe environment and not meeting the emotional needs of members. Control, manipulation, lack of support and trust, and rigid family roles limit individual freedom and independence.
Problems are often denied in dysfunctional family units, hindering resolution and healing. Additionally, substance use within the family can create problems. Unhealthy dynamics may be present, including excessive criticism, which damages the self-esteem of family members. Favouritism towards siblings creates rifts and feelings of inadequacy. These dynamics can have long-term negative effects, especially for children growing up in these environments. However, there is hope for healing through professional help and personal development, which offer pathways to change.
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What are different roles in a dysfunctional family?
In dysfunctional families, members often take on specific roles as a way of dealing with the family’s problems. This includes the Caretaker, who takes responsibility for the family’s needs. Additionally, there is the Hero, who strives for success to give the family a good reputation. Next, there is the Scapegoat, who is often receives blame for the family’s problems. There is also the Forgotten One, who withdraws to avoid conflict, and the Mascot, who uses humour to relieve tension. Another role is the Problem Child or Rebel, who challenges family norms.
These roles, which family members often adopt as coping strategies, can limit an individual’s personal development and negatively affect their emotional health. Identifying and working through these roles in therapy can be crucial to healing and building healthier relationships and patterns of behaviour.
What is codependency?
Codependency is a pattern where one person becomes excessively dependent on another, often in relationships where the other person has an addiction or is displaying dysfunctional behaviours. It is not a clinical diagnosis but a pattern of relating that many people can recognize. It involves a need to “save”, control or care for the other person, at the expense of the co-dependent person’s own well-being and needs. Characteristics of codependency include low self-esteem, difficulty setting boundaries, neglect of one’s own needs, and a tendency to engage in unbalanced relationships.
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Codependency can affect an individual’s ability to have healthy relationships and often occurs in environments with substance use or dysfunctional behaviour. Treatment may include therapy and support groups focused on building self-esteem, learning to set boundaries and developing independence to overcome codependency and improve quality of life.
Help for family dysfunction
Treatment of a dysfunctional family involves several strategies to address underlying problems and improve relationships. Family therapy is central and focuses on identifying and changing dysfunctional patterns. Additionally, individual therapy can support individual members’ personal development and work on issues such as depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress following trauma. It can also involve treating substance use issues if they are present.
Developing effective communication and setting healthy boundaries is important for changing family dynamics. Support groups can offer community and understanding. Parenting classes can help introduce new parenting methods, and in serious cases of abuse or violence, specific interventions may be necessary. If necessary, child and adolescent psychiatry and Children’s Aid Society may assist. The process requires time and commitment from all family members to create a healthier environment.
12 common questions and answers about dysfunctional families
What is a dysfunctional family?
A dysfunctional family is characterized by conflict, misunderstanding and often emotional neglect or abuse, resulting in an unhealthy environment for its members, especially the children.
What characterizes a dysfunctional family?
Dysfunctional families are characterized by behaviours and dynamics that harm the emotional and sometimes physical well-being of its members. These can include communication problems, emotional and physical abuse, addiction, control, manipulation, lack of support, rigid roles and favouritism.
What are different roles in a dysfunctional family?
Individuals in the family often take on different roles such as the caregiver, the hero, the scapegoat, the forgotten one, the mascot and the problem child or rebel. This is to compensate or challenge the dysfunctional patterns that exist in the family.
What is codependency?
Codependency is a pattern where one person becomes excessively dependent on another, often in relationships where the other person has a substance use disorder or displays dysfunctional behaviour. It involves a need to rescue, control or care for the other person, at the expense of the codependent person’s own well-being and needs.
How can dysfunctional families be treated?
Treatment of a dysfunctional family involves several strategies to address underlying problems and improve relationships. Family therapy, individual therapy including trauma and addiction treatment, information on what dysfunctional families are, support groups, and parenting classes are some of the interventions. If necessary, child and adolescent psychiatry and Children’s Aid Society can be contacted for more comprehensive interventions.
What to do if a family member has an addiction problem?
It is important for the person struggling with addiction to receive individual treatment to achieve a better quality of life. It is also important that other family members receive therapy for their concerns. Substance use disorders can be a result of dysfunctional family relationships and patterns over time, so multiple interventions may be needed.
Can you be traumatized by growing up in a dysfunctional family?
Many people who grow up in dysfunctional families experience trauma. This can be a single difficult event or repeated trauma. This can result in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex PTSD (C-PTSD). It is important to get help with this in therapy.
What about children growing up in dysfunctional families?
Children growing up in dysfunctional families can carry the negative effects into adulthood, including problems with relationships, low self-esteem and emotional concerns. It is important to get help early to prevent problems later in life.
My partner doesn’t want to go to family therapy, what should I do?
If the person doesn’t change despite encouragement and support, it may be useful to go to individual therapy to get more help to deal with the situation and make a decision about what to do in the future.
I am co-dependent with a family member who drinks, what should I do?
If you have a loved one with a substance use disorder, it is important to seek help yourself to manage the situation. Therapy and support groups can help.
Can you get therapy online?
It is possible to get treatment online. At Lavendla all of our psychologists and therapists work digitally.
Where can I seek help?
We recommend that you contact a licensed psychologist or therapist who works with relationship or family concerns. You can book a first appointment with one of our therapists here at Lavendla. We make the difficult easier.
Family therapy treatment
Family therapy treatment aims to address and resolve the problems and conflicts that affect a family’s functioning and well-being. The process involves several steps and can vary depending on the therapist’s approach and the specific needs of the family. Here is an overview of how a family therapy treatment usually works:
1. Initial assessment
Treatment often begins with one or more initial sessions where the therapist meets with the family to assess their dynamics, identify problem areas and set therapy goals. This phase is important to establish an understanding of the family’s structure, relationships and the specific challenges they face.
2. Identification of goals
Together with the family, the therapist works to define clear and concrete goals for the therapy. This may include improving communication, resolving specific conflicts, changing dysfunctional behavioural patterns, or strengthening family bonds.
3. Therapy sessions
During therapy sessions, the therapist uses various techniques and methods to promote positive change within the family. This may include communication exercises, role play, conflict management techniques and exercises to build empathy and understanding between family members. The therapist acts as a neutral and supportive facilitator, helping the family to explore their problems and find solutions together.
4. Working with relationships
A key focus of family therapy is to work on the individual relationships within the family, such as parent-child relationships or sibling relationships, to address specific conflicts or problems and improve mutual support and understanding.
5. Homework and practical application
Families can be given homework or tasks to work on between sessions to practice the skills and techniques they have learned during therapy. This aims to encourage application and change in the family’s everyday life.
6. Evaluation and closure
Towards the end of the therapy process, the therapist evaluates with the family the progress made towards the initial goals. Based on this evaluation, the therapy can be terminated, or further sessions can be recommended if necessary.
Family therapy is a flexible form of treatment that is adapted to the family’s unique needs and circumstances. By engaging in the process, families can develop stronger, more supportive relationships and learn to deal with future challenges more effectively.
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