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Our relationships form a fundamental aspect of our lives. Here we look at what attachment is, how it affects our lives and what can be done to improve it.
What is attachment?
Attachment is a deep and lasting emotional bond that develops between a child and their caregivers during the first years of life. This bond is crucial to the child’s emotional development and affects their ability to build relationships throughout their lives.
Attachment theory, introduced by psychoanalyst John Bowlby in the mid-20th century, emphasizes the importance of a secure relationship between child and caregiver for healthy psychological development.
Attachment can affect us throughout our lives. Therefore, if you have an insecure attachment, there are things you can do to make it better.
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The theory behind attachment
Attachment theory seeks to explain how the quality of early connection affects a child’s behaviour and interactions in future relationships, both in childhood and later in life. Ultimately, a secure connection is formed when the caregiver is emotionally available and responsive to the child’s needs. This gives the child a sense of safety and security. Consequently, children with secure attachments tend to develop strong self-esteem, independence and the ability to cope with emotions and stress.
In contrast, insecure attachment can occur when the caregiver is inconsistent, unavailable or unresponsive. This can negatively affect the child’s emotional health and relationships. Research in attachment theory has had a major impact on the understanding of child development. It has also contributed to the development of interventions aimed at supporting and improving the relationship between child and caregiver. By promoting secure attachment, we can lay the foundation for children’s well-being and success in life.
Different attachment styles
Attachment styles, formed early in life through interactions with caregivers, influence our relationships throughout life. The four main styles – secure, avoidant, ambivalent and disorganized – influence how we deal with intimacy and dependence. Secure attachment involves comfort with closeness, while subsequently avoidant, ambivalent and disorganized attachments can lead to challenges in relationships. Understanding these styles can offer insights into personal development and provide guidance for building healthier relationships.
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Attachment in children
Attachment is a fundamental part of the emotional and psychological development of children. This deep, emotional bond that children develop with their primary caregivers is crucial to their sense of security and well-being. From birth, children seek the closeness and comfort of their caregivers to protect them from danger and meet their needs. This interaction underpins the development of the child’s attachment style, which can vary depending on the quality of the caregiver’s response to the child’s needs. The four main attachment styles include:
1.Secure attachment
Children feel secure when the caregiver is present, become upset when separated, and ultimately calm down when the caregiver returns. These children have learned that their needs will be met in a predictable way.
2. Avoidant attachment
Children avoid contact and interaction with their caregiver after a separation. This can develop when the caregiver consistently ignores or rejects the child’s needs.
3. Ambivalent (or anxious) attachment
Children show ambivalence and may both seek and reject contact. This often occurs when the caregiver is inconsistent in meeting the child’s needs.
4. Disorganized attachment
Children exhibit disorganized and disoriented behaviours in the presence of their caregiver. This style can arise from trauma, abuse, or extreme inconsistency from the caregiver.
A secure connection is ideal for child development, as it promotes self-confidence, emotional balance and the ability to cope with stress. On the other hand, insecure connection styles can lead to various challenges in emotional regulation and relationships later in life.
Understanding connection in children is essential for anyone working with or raising children, as it not only helps build a strong foundation for a child’s future well-being, but also promotes the development of healthy interpersonal relationships throughout life.
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How can you create a secure connection with your child?
Creating a secure connection between a child and their caregiver is a fundamental process that lays the foundation for the child’s emotional and psychological development. A secure connection gives the child a sense of safety and trust, which is crucial for their future relationships and well-being. Here are some ways in which caregivers can promote the development of secure attachment:
1. Be emotionally available
Being emotionally available means attentively listening and responding to your child’s needs. It involves being present, not only physically but also emotionally, to provide comfort and support when needed.
2. Respond consistently to your child’s needs
Consistent caregiver response helps the child feel understood and valued. This means responding quickly and predictably to crying, signals of hunger, tiredness or desire for closeness and comfort.
3. Create and maintain routines
Regular routines for feeding, sleeping and playing help create a sense of predictability and security for your child. It helps them understand the world around them and feel confident that their needs will be met.
4. Encourage exploration
Secure connection is not only about meeting the child’s basic needs but also about encouraging and supporting their exploration of the world around them. By giving your child the space to explore safely, you can help them develop independence and self-confidence.
5. Be a safe base
For children to feel confident about exploring their surroundings, they need to know that they have a safe base to return to. By being a source of comfort and security, the child can feel safe to explore and learn new things.
6. Show love and affection
Physical closeness, such as hugs and loving touch, are important expressions of love and affection that strengthen the attachment bond. Showing love and appreciation on a regular basis helps your child feel valuable and loved.
7. Talk about feelings
Helping children to understand and express their feelings in a healthy way is important for their emotional development. By talking about and naming emotions, and showing that all emotions are valid, you teach your child how to process and manage their emotions.
By incorporating these principles into everyday life, caregivers can create a stable and secure foundation for their children’s emotional development, laying the groundwork for their ability to build healthy relationships throughout their lives.
Treatment with a child psychologist
Seeking help from a child psychologist is an important step when a child is experiencing mental health difficulties. Common methods include play therapy for younger children, where play is used as a tool for expression and processing. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which focuses on changing negative thought patterns and behaviours, can be effective for older children. Parents can receive parental counselling and support to better help their child at home. Working with a child psychologist can give your child the tools they need to manage their emotions and behaviours in a healthy way.
12 frequently asked questions about attachment
What is attachment?
Attachment is a deep and lasting emotional bond that develops between a child and their caregivers during the first years of life. This bond is crucial to the child’s emotional development and affects their ability to build relationships throughout their lives.
Who developed attachment theory?
The theory of attachment, introduced by psychoanalyst John Bowlby in the mid-20th century, emphasizes the importance of a secure relationship between child and caregiver for healthy psychological development.
What are the different attachment styles?
Attachment styles shape how we interact and build relationships throughout life, based on early experiences with our caregivers. The four main types – secure, avoidant, ambivalent and disorganized – influence our ability to attach, manage emotions and respond to closeness and distance in relationships.
How can you tell if a child has a secure attachment?
Children feel secure when their caregiver is present, get upset when they are separated, and calm down when the caregiver returns. These children have learned that their needs will be met in a predictable way.
How can avoidant attachment manifest itself in children?
Children avoid contact and interaction with the caregiver after a separation. This can develop when the caregiver consistently ignores or rejects the child’s needs.
How can ambivalent attachment be noticed in children?
Children show ambivalence and may both seek and reject contact. This often occurs when the caregiver is inconsistent in meeting the child’s needs.
What is disorganized attachment and how can it appear in children?
Children exhibit disorganized and disoriented behaviours in the presence of their caregiver. This style can arise from trauma, abuse, or extreme inconsistency from the caregiver.
How can you create a secure attachment with your child?
Creating a secure attachment is crucial to a child’s development and involves being emotionally available, consistently responding to needs, creating routines, encouraging exploration, being a secure base, showing love and discussing feelings. These actions build a solid foundation for the child’s emotional well-being and future relationships.
What is a child psychologist?
A child psychologist is a licensed professional with knowledge and experience in working for the well-being and mental health of children and parents. They offer one on one therapy and counselling, but also work with families and parents when needed. They also collaborate with schools to create healthy environments for children.
Can I see a child psychologist privately?
It is possible to see a child psychologist privately. At Lavendla we have several psychologists who have extensive experience of working with children and young people.
How long is the treatment?
The treatment is adapted to the nature of the child’s or parent’s concerns. Concerns with attachment often require longer treatment.
Where can I go if I or my child needs help from a child psychologist?
In Canada, child psychologists can be accessed through referrals from your family doctor or clinic. Kid’s Help Phone (1-800-668-6868) also has a list of local youth mental health supports listed on their website. At Lavendla we have experienced child psychologists who can also help.
How does treatment with a child psychologist work?
Seeking help from a child psychologist is an important step when a child is experiencing mental health difficulties or if you are having difficulties as a parent. Here is a brief overview of what treatment can look like:
1. Initial Assessment
Initial consultation where the psychologist assesses needs through conversations with the child and parents.
2. Treatment plan
An individualized plan is developed based on the child’s specific situation and needs. Common approaches include play therapy for younger children, where play is used as a tool for expression and processing. Talk therapy and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) are often used for older children, which focuses on changing negative thought patterns and behaviours. Additionally, other methods such as family therapy can also be helpful.
3. Parental counselling
Parents receive guidance and support to better help their child at home.
4. Monitoring and adjustment
The treatment plan is continuously evaluated and adjusted as needed to ensure the best possible outcome.
It is important to remember that each child is unique, and therefore treatment may vary. Working together with a child psychologist can give you and your child the tools they need to manage their emotions and behaviours in a healthy way. At Lavendla, we have child psychologists who can help make the difficult easier.
