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Developing a strong sense of self-worth is importan. Here we look at what self-esteem is, how to identify low self-esteem and what can be done to improve self-esteem in children.

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem describes how we perceive and value ourselves. In children, this self-image is particularly malleable and is influenced by a variety of factors, from family dynamics to interactions at school. Additionally, positive self-esteem is the foundation of a healthy mental state, while low self-esteem can lead to a range of negative consequences, both psychologically and socially.

Why is it important?

For children, who face the challenge of understanding themselves and the world around them, strong self-esteem is like armor for the trials of life. It affects everything from academic performance to social skills and the ability to cope with adversity. A child who struggles with low self-esteem can experience anxiety, depression and even social isolation.

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However, children with low self-esteem can learn to see their own values and strengths. This is where we, as guardians, teachers and mentors, play a crucial role.

Symptoms of low self-esteem in children

Recognizing the signs of low self-esteem in children is important to provide the right support. Here is a simplified overview of common symptoms:

  1. Negative self-image: The child sees themselves in a negative light and may negatively compare themselves to others.
  2. Avoidance: Fear of failure causes children to avoid new things.
  3. Social withdrawal: Children may withdraw from others to avoid criticism or rejection.
  4. Sensitivity to criticism: Even mild criticism is taken hard and can lead to strong reactions.
  5. Perfectionism: The child places unreasonable demands on themselves, which creates frustration.
  6. Low frustration threshold: They may become easily frustrated or upset, especially when challenged.
  7. Self-criticism: The child is hard on themselves for small mistakes or things they can’t control.
  8. Fear of new experiences: Because of the fear of failure, they stick to familiar activities.
  9. Feelings of hopelessness: Sometimes they may express a feeling that there is no hope for improvement.

If you notice these signs in a child, it may be a good idea to seek professional help to give them the support they need.


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Self-esteem in children of different ages

Supporting children’s self-esteem is important throughout their developmental stages. Here is a brief overview of how self-esteem develops from childhood to adolescence.

Early childhood (0-5 years)

Children explore and begin to know themselves. Positive feedback and encouragement are key to building self-confidence and security.

School age (6-12 years)

In school, children face new challenges. Self-esteem is linked to achievement and social context. Highlighting individual strengths helps children feel valuable.

Teenage years (13-19 years)

Adolescence is a time of physical changes and seeking identity. Peers and social media can strongly influence self-esteem. Open communication and support for independence is important.

Consistent support

Feeling loved and valued is fundamental to children’s self-esteem at any age. Being present and encouraging self-expression lay the foundation for a positive self-image and future.


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What can parents do to strengthen children’s self-esteem?

Parents can strengthen their children’s self-esteem by offering unconditional love, praising efforts rather than just results, actively listening to their thoughts and feelings, encouraging independence, and modeling positive self-image and problem-solving skills. Through these actions, they create a secure foundation on which children can grow and develop a strong sense of self-worth.

Treatment with a child psychologist

Seeking help from a child psychologist is an important step when a child is experiencing mental health difficulties. Child psychologists are usually available through referral from a family doctor or local clinic. Additionally, Kid’s Help Phone (1-800-668-6868) also has a list of local youth mental health supports on their website. Also, at Lavendla we have experienced child psychologists who can help.

Treatment with a child psychologist is adapted to the child’s individual needs and may include methods such as play therapy, family therapy and group therapy. The aim is to improve the child’s emotional well-being and develop coping strategies. Therefore, the child psychologist works closely with the child and their family, and sometimes also with the school, to create a safe environment where the child can learn to manage emotions and behaviours effectively.

It is important to remember that each child is unique, so treatment may vary. Working with a child psychologist can give your child the tools they need to manage their emotions and behaviours in a healthy way.


12 common questions about self-esteem in children

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem describes how we perceive and value ourselves. In children, this self-image is particularly malleable and is influenced by a variety of factors, from family dynamics to interactions at school.

Why is self-esteem important in children?

For children, who are faced with the challenge of understanding themselves and the world around them, strong self-esteem is like armor for the trials of life. It affects everything from academic performance to social skills and the ability to cope with adversity.

What are the symptoms of low self-esteem in children?

Identifying the signs of low self-esteem in children, such as negative self-image, avoidance of new challenges and social withdrawal, is crucial to providing them with appropriate support and assistance.

How does self-esteem develop in children at different ages?

Children’s self-esteem develops gradually from early childhood through the school years to adolescence, with each phase bringing new challenges and opportunities to support their growing self-image and independence.

What can parents do to boost children’s self-esteem?

Parents can strengthen their children’s self-esteem by offering unconditional love, praising effort rather than just results, actively listening to their thoughts and feelings, encouraging independence, and modelling positive self-image and problem-solving skills.

My child has a high need for affirmation, what can I do?

To meet a child’s high need for affirmation, it is important to give them consistent attention and recognition while encouraging independence and helping them find strength and value within themselves.

Can children attend psychological treatment?

Yes. Psychological treatment is tailored to the age of the child and the issues that need to be addressed. Common methods are talk therapy and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).

What is CBT?

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is an evidence-based therapy that helps individuals identify and challenge negative thought patterns and behaviours that contribute to ill health.

What is a child psychologist?

A child psychologist is a licensed professional with knowledge and experience in working with the well-being and mental health of children and parents.

Can I see a child psychologist privately?

Yes, it is possible to see a child psychologist privately. At Lavendla we have several psychologists who have extensive experience of working with children and young people.

Can I see a child psychologist online?

Yes, it is possible to see a child psychologist online via video. We have several child psychologists working digitally at Lavendla.

Where can I go if I or my child needs help from a child psychologist?

Child psychologists are usually available through referral from a family doctor or local clinic. At Lavendla we have experienced child psychologists who can also help.

How does treatment with a child psychologist work?

Seeking help from a child psychologist is an important step when a child is experiencing psychological difficulties or if you have difficulties as a parent. Here is a brief overview of what treatment can look like:

1. Initial Assessment

An initial consultation involves the psychologist assessing needs through conversations with the child and parents.

2. Treatment plan

An individualized plan is developed based on the child’s specific situation and needs. Common approaches include play therapy for younger children, where play is used as a tool for expression and processing. Talk therapy and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) are often useful for older children. CBT focuses on changing negative thought patterns and behaviours. Additionally, other methods such as family therapy can also be helpful.

3. Parental counselling

Parents receive guidance and support to better help their child at home.

4. Monitoring and adjustment

The treatment plan is continuously evaluated and adjusted as needed to ensure the best possible outcome.

A first step in seeking help

It is important to remember that each child is unique, and therefore treatment may vary. Working together with a child psychologist can give you and your child the tools needed to manage emotions and behaviours in a healthy way. At Lavendla, we have child psychologists who can help make the difficult easier.


Written by Sophia Coulter

Sophia is a registered nurse with experience in inpatient, emergency and community mental health care. She has a passion for providing emergency support for those experiencing mental health crises.