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Do you have very high demands and expectations of yourself? A strong fear of failure? If you want to know more about perfectionism and how to get help, this article is for you.

What is perfectionism?

Perfectionism is a set of thoughts and behaviours where people try to live up to very high standards and expectations in a way that can lead to problems for themselves and others. It is not a diagnosis, but a set of beliefs about life that have developed over time. There may also be genetic factors that contribute to this behaviour.

Perfectionism can cause a strong fear of failure or not living up to unrealistic standards and societal norms. You may be very self-critical and driven by feelings of shame for not performing well enough. Individuals may also become frustrated and have difficulties in relationships and work. It is possible to get help if you suffer from perfectionism to improve your quality of life.

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Causes of perfectionism

There are several factors that contribute to the development of perfectionist thinking and behaviour, including both genetic and environmental factors. Upbringing and values play a role. For example, if your parents were not accepting growing up, or you felt pressured to perform well to earn their respect, in adulthood you may try to compensate by committing to performing at a high level to feel good about yourself. The children of critical and demanding parents may also copy their behaviour in adulthood. This can lead to self-criticism or criticism of others. Individuals may lack empathy and compassion for themselves.

Societal expectations also play a role in the development of perfectionism. For example, social media may have led us to compare ourselves more with others than in the past. Beauty ideals also have an impact, where people may believe that they have to look a certain way to be liked and accepted.

Perfectionism diagnosis

Perfectionism is not a psychiatric diagnosis but it can be part of other mental health problems. It can also be a symptom of obsessive compulsive disorder, or obsessive compulsive personality disorder. Perfectionism is treatable, help is available.

Need for control

The need for control is often high in people who are perfectionists. They want to be able to predict things and are inflexible in the face of changes such as when things don’t turn out the way they want. If you have perfectionist tendencies, you may have difficulty trusting others and delegating tasks, which leads to stress because you have to do everything yourself. If things are not perfect, you may also become frustrated and angry. This can affect relationships and make it difficult to work with others.

Self-esteem and perfectionism

If you have perfectionist tendencies, you may also have developed low self-esteem and feel ashamed of yourself. This can mean that you believe that you are worthless but instead of challenging this belief, you start to compensate by performing and making unreasonable demands on yourself and others. If you succeed at something, you may get temporary relief, but it doesn’t help in the long run and the feelings and thoughts return. You may find it difficult to accept yourself as you are and to assume that you are ok no matter what happens. It is possible to get help with this in treatment.


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OCD and perfectionism

OCD is a psychiatric diagnosis where you have obsessive thoughts and compulsive actions. This can impact quality of life. To reduce anxiety, people engage in various behaviours or rituals that can take time and energy. If you don’t do the compulsion, you may have catastrophic thoughts and strong fears. Perfectionism can be a symptom of OCD. Help is available.

Eating disorders and perfectionism

Perfectionism can be a symptom of eating disorders. If you have an eating disorder, you often have high expectations of yourself and a strong need for control. The eating disorder can become a way to control feelings of shame and fear of not being good enough. People may believe that if they have a “perfect body”, they will be accepted and liked. This belief can go very far and can develop into behaviours that are very harmful to your health. Help is available.

Perfectionism and ADHD

Many people with ADHD are also perfectionists. Since ADHD often involves difficulties with concentration and impulsiveness. Therefore, you may have difficulties with schoolwork or work tasks, which can lead to frustration and becoming very self-critical. Many people with ADHD feel frustrated with their behaviour and may try to compensate for it by overachieving and engaging in perfectionist behaviours. If you have difficulty managing your ADHD, you can seek help from a licensed psychologist or therapist to help you manage your thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Help is available.

Autism and perfection

Perfectionism can be a symptom of autism spectrum disorder. Often, people with autism can be very detail-oriented. Additionally, people with autism may see details that others don’t notice and have difficulty with change. Help is available.

How perfectionism can affect your everyday life

If you have perfectionist symptoms or personality traits, it can affect your everyday life in several ways. You may be afraid of making mistakes and overworking or avoiding things so that tasks take a very long time to complete, such as when studying or working. This can lead to stress and anxiety. If you are very demanding and self-critical, you may also become frustrated or angry if things don’t go as planned. You may have difficulties in relationships and cooperation with others. Read more about the symptoms of perfectionism here.

Symptoms of perfectionism

There are several symptoms that can indicate that a person is suffering from perfectionism. Some characteristics are:

  1. High standards: Perfectionists often set unrealistically high standards for themselves and others.
  2. Self-criticism: They tend to be hard on themselves and react strongly to small mistakes.
  3. Fear of failure: There is a strong fear of failure or not living up to expectations. This fear can be so pronounced that it prevents one from trying new things or taking on challenging tasks.
  4. Excessive attention to detail: Perfectionists can pay a lot of attention to details and have difficulty seeing the big picture.
  5. Procrastination: Sometimes perfectionism can lead to avoidance of tasks because of a fear of starting or completing a task if it cannot be done perfectly.
  6. Difficulty delegating: Perfectionists may have difficulty delegating work to others because they tend to believe that no one else can achieve the standards they have set.
  7. Lack of satisfaction: Despite achieving success, perfectionists often do not feel satisfied and they tend to focus on what is lacking or what can be improved.

If you recognize these symptoms, it may be a good idea to seek therapy to help change these thought patterns and attitudes. This can reduce your stress, make you feel happier and make it easier to relate to other people. If you often feel frustrated, therapy can also help you manage your emotions better and increase your self-compassion.

Perfectionism treatment

Psychological treatment is available if you suffer from perfectionist traits or thought patterns. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a form of treatment that focuses on thoughts, feelings and behaviours that can be helpful in bringing about change. There are also newer forms of CBT such as acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and compassion-focused therapy (CFT) that can be effective. ACT focuses on values, acceptance and change, and learning to live by the values that are important to you. You can also use mindfulness to reduce negative thoughts about yourself and your performance. CFT works more with compassion to reduce self-criticism and feelings of shame. It can be a very good method to reduce perfectionist thinking, focusing instead on shared human experiences. It is possible to feel better and improve your quality of life.

CBT for perfectionism

CBT is an evidence-based treatment method for working with thoughts, feelings and behaviours. The treatment can be adapted to the individual’s needs and the number of sessions varies according to the severity of the problem. It can range from 4-20 sessions. A treatment includes various tools to achieve change and these can be, for example:

  • Analysis of behaviours, thoughts and feelings to see how they affect everyday functioning.
  • Techniques to address cognitive biases such as black and white thinking or catastrophizing.
  • Behavioural change where you practice managing your emotions in different situations.

Seeking help can change your life

Perfectionism is not something you need to deal with on your own. Talking to a professional therapist or psychologist can not only help you understand your concerns better but also offer CBT treatment to deal with them. You are not alone and it is okay to ask for help. On our website, we have qualified therapists and psychologists who are happy to help you feel better.

Your next step

If you or someone you know is struggling with perfectionist thoughts and beliefs, it’s a good idea to talk to a professional therapist or psychologist. We assure you that all therapists and psychologists on our platform are qualified and that your conversation is always confidential. Don’t be afraid to take the first step.

With the right support and tools, you can significantly improve your quality of life. If you are ready to take the step, we are here to support you. Book your first session today and start your journey towards a better future.


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12 common questions about perfectionism

What is perfectionism?

Perfectionism is a set of thoughts and behaviours where people try to live up to very high standards and expectations in a way that can lead to problems for themselves and others.

Is perfectionism a diagnosis?

Perfectionism is not a psychiatric diagnosis but it can occur in various psychiatric conditions. It is a way of relating to life but can also be a personality trait.

Is perfectionism hereditary?

It is not clear whether perfectionism is hereditary, but genes and environment may be linked to the problem.

What are the symptoms of perfectionism?

You may develop a strong fear of failure or not living up to unrealistic standards and societal norms. Individuals may also be very self-critical and be driven by feelings of shame, fear and anger at not performing well enough.

How is perfectionism treated?

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a form of treatment that focuses on thoughts, feelings and behaviours that can be helpful. There are also newer forms of CBT such as acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and compassion-focused therapy (CFT) that can help bring about change.

Can perfectionism cause other mental health problems?

Perfectionism can be present in several psychiatric conditions such as OCD, eating disorders, ADHD and autism. If you think you have any of these other conditions, it is important to seek help for them too.

Can children be perfectionists?

Yes, perfectionism can affect children and teenagers as it is often a pattern that also develops in childhood.

How does growing up affect perfectionism?

If you had parents who were themselves very perfectionist, and perhaps critical or shaming, you might develop perfectionism as a compensatory behaviour. This can be helped in treatment.

Does perfectionism affect your ability to work?

Yes, it can affect your ability to function at work by increasing stress and making it difficult to cooperate with others. CBT can help with this.

How does perfectionism differ from just wanting to be good at something?

It is normal to want to become good at something, especially at work. This differs from perfectionism, as you don’t make unrealistic demands on yourself or try to achieve something to be accepted, which leads to less stress and more positive feelings.

What to do if you feel stressed if things are not perfect?

Perfectionism can lead to a lot of suffering, stress, frustration and fear if things don’t turn out the way you intended. Help is available. You can book an initial consultation with one of our psychologists and therapists.

Where can I go if I need help?

Through our site, you can book an initial session with a therapist or psychologist to start and individualized treatment plan. We can help you make the difficult easier.

What does treatment for perfectionism involve?

Seeking help is a big step towards better health. It’s a positive thing to decide to take control of how you feel. Here is an overview of the steps of CBT treatment.

Step 1: An initial assessment session

The first meeting with your psychologist or therapist is an assessment to review your mental and physical health. Your therapist may questions about your life situation, feelings, thoughts and behaviours. You may also complete assessment forms.

Step 2: Goal setting

This is where you and your therapist set concrete goals for the therapy, both short and long-term.
It can identify which areas of your life are most affected by your well-being and how you would like to change them.

Step 3: Treatment with different techniques and tools

This is the actual treatment phase, which involves exercises aimed at giving you the tools to overcome and work through your concerns. Depending on the method used, the content may differ: ACT works more with values and acceptance, while CFT works more with compassion.

Step 4: Monitoring and evaluation

Treatment is monitored regularly to see how well the therapy is working. If necessary, the treatment plan can be adjusted.

Step 5: Ending and looking ahead

As the therapy comes to an end, it is time to reflect on the progress made. You will also receive a maintenance plan for how to use the tools and strategies you have learned in the future. It is also important to monitor your results over time.

If you or someone close to you is looking for professional help, don’t hesitate to book a session with one of our licensed psychologists or therapists. Together, we can make the difficult easier.

If you have thoughts of self-harm or suicidal thoughts, call 911, call or text the National Suicide Hotline at 988, or go to your nearest emergency department.


Written by Sophia Coulter

Sophia is a registered nurse with experience in inpatient, emergency and community mental health care. She has a passion for providing emergency support for those experiencing mental health crises.