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Home » Self-tests » Destructive behaviour test

Destructive behaviour test

Here you can do a self-test to help you reflect on whether you are in a destructive relationship.

Step 1 of 15

6%

Instructions

Answer yes or no to each statement.

Control and manipulation

Do you feel that your partner often tries to control what you do, who you see or what you say?(Required)

Yes

No

Are you often questioned or accused of things you have not done?(Required)

Yes

No

Have you stopped seeing friends or family to avoid arguments or conflicts with your partner?(Required)

Yes

No

Do you feel you have to ‘walk on eggshells’ to avoid making your partner angry or disappointed?(Required)

Yes

No

Emotional and verbal impact

Does your partner often say things that make you feel worthless, stupid or inadequate?(Required)

Yes

No

Do you often feel depressed, insecure or hurt after your conversations?(Required)

Yes

No

Has your partner threatened to leave you or hurt themselves if you don't do what they want?(Required)

Yes

No

Does your partner often apologise after hurting you, but then the behaviour continues?(Required)

Yes

No

Anger and respect

Does your partner have difficulty managing anger and reacts with shouting, threats or aggressive behaviour?(Required)

Yes

No

Has your partner ever thrown things, punched walls or used physical force in conflict?(Required)

Yes

No

Your well-being in the relationship

Do you often feel tired, stressed or anxious because of the relationship?(Required)

Yes

No

Have you changed your behaviour, style of dress or interests to please your partner?(Required)

Yes

No

Do you feel more lonely or isolated since you got together with your partner?(Required)

Yes

No

Have you ever felt like you wanted to leave the relationship but felt scared or unsure of how?(Required)

Yes

No

Your score

Count your points and understand your result:

0-3 yes answer: Your relationship probably has no clear signs of destructiveness, but it may be good to pay attention to how you feel in it.
4-7 yes answers: There are some warning signs in your relationship. If you often feel oppressed or controlled, it may be helpful to talk to someone about your experiences.
8 or more yes answers: Your relationship shows clear signs of destructiveness. If you feel afraid, isolated or unsure of your own safety, it is important to seek support from a friend, family member or professional counsellor.

No one should have to be in a relationship where they feel unsafe or devalued. If you recognise yourself in several of these statements, it may be good to talk to someone you trust or seek professional support. At Lavendla we have psychologists and therapists who can help.

This test is designed to help you reflect on your relationship and whether it is affecting you negatively. It is not a substitute for professional counselling, but it can be a first indication of whether your relationship is destructive. The test takes about 5 minutes to complete. Answer based on how you usually feel in the relationship.

Meet our therapists

A destructive relationship can be difficult to recognise when you are in the middle of it. It can involve controlling behaviours, emotional manipulation, disrespect or mental and physical harm. Relationships can have their ups and downs, but if you often feel afraid, insecure or devalued, it could be a sign that the relationship is not good for you.

What should I do if I am in a destructive relationship?

If you are in a destructive relationship, it is recommended that you seek professional help and treatment. A psychologist or therapist can help you along the way. Couples counselling may be helpful depending on what the problems in the relationship are. If there is violence and you are in danger, it is important to get the right help and contact the police and women’s shelters if necessary. Leaving a destructive relationship can be difficult but it is possible with help and support.

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