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Home » Self-tests » Stay or go test

Stay or go test

Here you can do a self-test to help you reflect on whether you should stay or leave your relationship.

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instructions

Read each question and choose the answer that best matches your experience.

How do you feel most of the time in the relationship?(Required)

Happy and safe.

Often insecure but has hope for improvement.

Often sad, frustrated or lonely.

How do you communicate with each other?(Required)

We talk openly and listen to each other.

We try, but often end up in misunderstandings.

We argue a lot or avoid talking about important things.

Do you feel that your partner respects you?(Required)

Yes, I feel appreciated and respected.

Sometimes, but there are things that make me hesitate.

No, I often feel devalued or ignored.

Do you have common values and goals?(Required)

Yes, we share many important values.

We have some differences, but we try to understand each other.

We have very different views on life and the future.

How do you deal with conflicts?(Required)

We solve problems by talking and compromising.

It is difficult, but we are trying to find solutions.

We avoid conflict or get into destructive arguments.

How do you feel when you think about the future with your partner?(Required)

Hopeful and expectant.

Worried but unsure of what I want.

Worried or afraid.

Do you get support and love from your partner when you need it?(Required)

Yes, I feel supported and loved.

Sometimes, but not always.

No, I often feel alone in the relationship.

How does your relationship compare to previous relationships?(Required)

Better or at the same level as my previous relationships.

Both good and bad moments, hard to tell.

Worse and more emotionally challenging than previous relationships.

If a friend described your relationship, what would they say?(Required)

That we have a good and stable relationship.

That we have challenges, but are trying to work on them.

I seem unhappy or stuck in something destructive.

Do you feel you can be yourself in the relationship?(Required)

Yes, I feel free to be who I am.

Sometimes, but I often adapt to avoid problems.

No, I often feel compelled to hide parts of myself.

Your score

Count your points and understand your result:

23-30 points: It may be time to re-evaluate the relationship. If you often feel unhappy, insecure or disrespected, it may be a sign that you should consider moving on. Staying in a relationship that creates stress and pain can be detrimental to your well-being. Talk to a friend, therapist or coach to get clarity on what is best for you.
16-22 points: You seem to have mixed feelings about your relationship. There are both positive and negative aspects, and it might be worth thinking about what you really want. Are there ways to improve the relationship, or are the problems recurring? Perhaps open dialogue or couples therapy can help you move forward.
10-15 points: Your relationship seems to be stable and secure. You seem to be in a healthy relationship where you feel valued and respected. If there are challenges, they can often be resolved through continued communication and engagement. Remember to nurture the relationship by listening to each other and continuing to strengthen your bond.

Meet our therapists

Is it time to stay or go?

All relationships have their ups and downs, but sometimes the question arises: Is this right for me? Feeling insecure about your relationship is common, but it can be difficult to decide whether to keep fighting or whether it’s time to part ways.

Many factors influence a relationship – emotional closeness, communication, trust and shared values. Sometimes difficulties can be resolved through better communication and commitment, while other relationships can be damaging or unsustainable in the long run. You can read more about relationship problems such as losing the spark and finding your way back to each other here. This self-test is designed to help you reflect on your relationship and get a clearer picture of how you feel.

How does the test work?

You will answer a number of questions relating to your relationship. Be honest with yourself and choose the option that best describes your situation. Once you have answered all the questions, you will get an indication of whether your relationship has a solid foundation to build on, whether there are areas that need improvement or whether it might be time to consider moving on.

This test is not a definitive truth, but it can give you guidance and a better understanding of your feelings. Whatever the outcome, it is important to listen to yourself and what you are feeling inside. Couples counselling can be helpful depending on what the problems in the relationship are and here at Lavendla we have several psychologists and therapists who work with couples.

What do I do if I find myself in a destructive relationship?

A destructive relationship can be difficult to identify when you are in the middle of it. It can involve controlling behaviours, emotional manipulation, disrespect or mental and physical harm. Relationships can have their ups and downs, but if you often feel afraid, insecure or devalued, it could be a sign that the relationship is not good for you.

If you are in a destructive relationship, it is recommended that you seek professional help and treatment. If there is violence and you are in danger, it is important to get the right help and contact 112 and the women’s shelter if necessary.

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