trauma bonding test
Here you can do a self-test that can help you reflect on whether you are in a trauma bond in a destructive relationship.
What is trauma bonding?
Trauma bonding is a psychological phenomenon that occurs in destructive or harmful relationships, where the victim feels a strong emotional attachment to their abuser. This can occur in relationships characterised by emotional, physical or psychological manipulation, where periods of love and care are interspersed with periods of control, fear and destructive behaviours.
This type of bond can be particularly strong as it is created through a cycle of reward and punishment, leaving the vulnerable person feeling an emotional confusion, loyalty and even love towards the one who hurts them. A destructive relationship can be difficult to recognise when you are in the middle of it. Trauma bonding can occur in romantic relationships, families, friendships and work relationships.
Signs of trauma bonding:
- You feel unable to leave the relationship even though it is hurting you.
- You make excuses for the other person’s behaviour and blame yourself.
- You hope the person will change, despite repeated patterns of harmful behaviour.
- You feel extreme loyalty and guilt when you think about leaving.
- You become isolated from friends and family but still feel you must stay.
Trauma bonding can have profound psychological effects and make it difficult to break free from a harmful relationship. Understanding if you are trapped in a trauma bond is a first step towards regaining your freedom and well-being.
This test is not a diagnosis, but it can help you reflect on your relationship and decide whether you should seek support to get out of a destructive situation. The test is not a substitute for professional counselling, but it can be a first indication of whether your relationship is destructive. The test takes about 5 minutes to complete. Answer based on how you usually feel in the relationship.
What should I do if I am in a destructive relationship?
If you are in a destructive relationship, it is recommended that you seek professional help and treatment. A psychologist or therapist can help you along the way. If there is violence and you are in danger, it is important to get the right help and contact the police and women’s shelters if necessary. Leaving a destructive relationship can be difficult but it is possible with help and support.
