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Do you struggle with relationships, have a fear of abandonment or avoid close relationships? If so, you may have relationship anxiety. Here we explain what it is and how to get help.
Relationship anxiety is a form of anxiety disorder that is mainly linked to relationships. This anxiety can affect both individuals who are in a relationship and those who are single but worried about future relationships. It is a fear or worry that can be linked to many aspects of a romantic relationship, from the beginning of a relationship to its development and maintenance. The cause of relationship anxiety is often complex but it is possible to get treatment and relate better to other people.
Relationship anxiety can develop early in life during attachment to our parents or other caregivers. Depending on how they meet our needs, we can become differently secure and have different approaches to relating to other people. Childhood might indicate future behaviour in relationships, but it is not crucial, and treatment is possible.
Attachment to other people is something created during our early years of life. Research shows there are four different attachment styles: secure, ambivalent, avoidant and disorganised.
In secure attachment, there is often clear communication and stable contact with other people. There is little fear of closeness or abandonment. In ambivalent attachment, you may be very anxious and seek a lot of reassurance from your partner about not being abandoned. The avoidant attachment person is more withdrawn in relationships and does not get close to others. Disorganised attachment is very much based on fear and one may become confused and unpredictable in contact with others.
Studies have shown that around 60% of people are secure, 15% avoidant, 10-15% ambivalent, and 15-20% have disorganised attachment. Attachment is not a diagnosis but only a theory that can explain how we behave in relationships. It is possible to get help if you think you have a problematic pattern.
Causes can vary and include previous negative relationship experiences growing up, low self-esteem, fear of repeating mistakes from previous relationships, or insecurity and uncertainty in a current relationship. There may also be underlying trauma. It is good to seek help from a licensed psychologist or therapist if you have these issues.
Symptoms and signs of relationship anxiety can include:
If you are having difficulties in your relationship or relating in general, you may want to seek help. The problems may also be related to other disorders such as trauma, social phobia or other anxiety disorders so it is important to get an assessment from a licensed psychologist or qualified therapist.
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Treatment for relationship anxiety can include therapy, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), to work on triggering situations, thoughts and behaviors. For more severe problems, you may be helped by schema therapy, which is a cognitive therapy developed to identify past patterns from childhood and help a client to overcome them. Couples therapy is also helpful in managing anxiety within a relationship. Developing good communication and trust is key to reducing relationship anxiety.
The length of treatment depends on the severity of the problem. It ranges from four sessions to two years, depending on how it manifests itself. Lavendla provides a choice of psychologists or therapists to help you find one you can trust. The relationship with your therapist is important.
Relationships with other people are human experiences that touch the core of our existence. It is therefore useful to seek help to change your patterns and create more intimacy in your relationships. Lavendla’s psychologists and therapists are ready to support you through your journey.
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Relationship anxiety is a form of anxiety disorder that is mainly linked to romantic relationships.
Causes of relationship anxiety can be varied and include previous negative relationship experiences growing up, low self-esteem, fear of repeating the mistakes of previous relationships, or insecurity and uncertainty in the current relationship. Underlying trauma can also be a cause and it is important to seek help from a licensed psychologist for these symptoms.
Attachment is something we create in relation to our primary caregivers and depending on how they meet our needs. There are four different attachment styles: secure, ambivalent, avoidant and disorganized. Attachment theory is a theory of relating and not a diagnosis.
Relationship anxiety can appear specifically in close intimate relationships such as in love relationships but you can have anxiety in other relationships too such as with friends, co-workers or your children.
Studies have shown that about 60% of people are secure, 15% avoidant, 10-15% ambivalent, and 15-20% are disorganised.
The foundation for relationship anxiety can be laid in the early years of life but it can also be influenced by later events of stress and difficult life events such as trauma.
Social media can exacerbate relationship anxiety by comparing oneself a lot to others, which can increase negative feelings.
There are many symptoms of relationship anxiety but some of them are concerns and fears such as rejection, intimacy, relationship status, and jealousy. There can also be avoidance and withdrawal. The relationship may be out of balance and an emotional rollercoaster.
It is not uncommon to feel fear in the context of relationship anxiety, although in more severe cases the fear tends to be stronger. It is important to acknowledge your feelings and work through them, possibly with the help of a therapist.
Treatment for relationship anxiety can include therapy, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to work through anxiety-provoking thoughts and behaviours. For more severe problems, you may be helped by treatments such as schema therapy.
Schema therapy is a cognitive therapy method developed to address different attitudes and life patterns present since childhood and adolescence. It can also be helpful for problems later in life.
Through our site you can book an initial session with a licensed psychologist or therapist to describe your problems and start planning a treatment programme. We have therapists working in CBT, schema therapy, and couples therapy. We help you make the difficult easier.
Relationship anxiety can be treated using cognitive behavioural therapy. Below is an overview of how the treatment works:
The first step is for a licensed psychologist or qualified therapist to help you evaluate your situation and history. They will assess whether your problems may also be related to other mental health problems. You may also be asked to complete assessment forms.
You will learn about your anxiety and how it affects you both physically and psychologically. Therapists will work with you to analyse situations and set goals for treatment.
You will work on identifying and changing patterns of thinking that are linked to your anxiety. Together with your therapist, you will work with tools such as a worry diary, worry time and mindfulness. You will be given homework to practice between sessions.
If you experience problems since childhood that cause a lot of suffering in relation to other people, you can go to schema therapy. It is a cognitive method developed to work on life patterns that cause problems and aims to increase the quality of life.
If you have problems in your love relationship and have developed unhealthy patterns, couples therapy may be recommended, such as Integrative Behavioural Therapy for Couples (IBCT), a cognitive behavioural therapy for couples.
You will be supported by your psychologist throughout the process. At the end of the treatment, you will receive a plan to continue practicing and maintaining progress over time.
Feel free to book an initial session with one of Lavendla’s licensed psychologists or therapists to see how they can help you. We make the dificult easier.