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Self-compassion plays a crucial role in how we perceive ourselves and deal with our challenges. Together with Lavendla therapists, you can develop your self-compassion through conversations, exercises and mindfulness.
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion is about being kind and understanding to yourself, especially during difficult times. It is an acceptance that we are human and that mistakes and difficulties are part of life. But it is also a deeply rooted feeling that involves treating oneself with the same kindness, care and understanding that we would offer a close friend. It is the art of being kind to yourself, especially during times of failure or personal challenges. Read more about self-esteem in general here.
How do you become kinder to yourself?
At the core of self-compassion are three key components: self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness.
Self-kindness means being gentle and understanding towards yourself rather than harsh and self-critical.
Common humanity recognises that suffering and personal failings are part of the human experience that everyone shares, helping us to feel less isolated in our difficulties.
Mindfulness is about keeping your emotions in balance and not over-identifying with them.
By embracing these aspects, individuals can develop a healthier relationship with themselves, helping to reduce anxiety and depression and promote greater emotional wellbeing.
What set our therapist apart was her genuine empathy and personal insight. Not only did she possess a deep understanding of neurodiversity, but she also shared personal experiences that resonated with us, creating an instant connection and fostering a sense of trust!
Benedetta Osarenk
Isn’t self-compassion just self-pity?
No, it is not to be confused with self-pity or self-absorption; it is not about victimisation or selfishness. It is instead about cultivating an understanding and non-judgmental attitude towards our own experiences, and realising that we all share a common human experience filled with both joy and sorrow.
Exercises to develop your self-compassion
To cultivate and strengthen self-compassion, it is important to integrate mindful exercises into everyday life. These exercises are designed to gradually increase our ability to approach ourselves with kindness, understanding and acceptance.
Feel with yourself as with others
A basic exercise is to regularly stop and ask yourself “How would I treat a friend who was in this situation?” and then apply the same kindness and consideration to yourself.
Write a gratitude journal
Another powerful exercise is to keep a gratitude journal, noting things you appreciate about yourself or positive actions you have taken.
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Mindfulness
Mindfulness exercises, such as mindful breathing and body scanning, help to increase awareness of current feelings without judging them, which is a central part of self-compassion. Focused meditations, often guided, can also be an effective way to direct attention and kindness to oneself. These meditations can include visualisations where you imagine sending love and kindness to yourself and others.
Writing letters
Writing self-compassionate letters to yourself, especially during difficult times, is another technique to reinforce positive self-conscious feelings.
Developing a compassionate inner dialog
Finally, it is important to remind yourself that no one is perfect and that mistakes and difficulties are part of the human experience, a central idea in the practice of self-compassion. By regularly engaging in these exercises, you can gradually develop a more compassionate inner dialog and thus improve your overall emotional well-being.
Exercises you can do today
- Write a friendly diary: Note three things each day where you treated yourself with kindness.
- Mindfulness exercise: Be present in the moment. Take a few minutes each day to just ‘be’.
- Write down what you are grateful for: Use your kindness journal to write down some things you appreciate, both in others and in yourself.
Self-compassion and psychology
If you find the challenges around self-compassion overwhelming, it may be helpful to seek out a psychologist. They can offer professional guidance and support to help you move forward.
Self-compassion in everyday life
Here are some everyday tips to increase your self-compassion:
- Be kind to yourself: Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend.
- Reflect on your progress: Recognise and celebrate your progress, even the small ones.
- Practice gratitude: Focus on the positives in your life and be grateful.
Next steps
Developing self-compassion is a journey that requires time and patience. Remember that it is a process and that every step forward is valuable. If you are struggling to improve your inner dialogue or want someone to support you in your development, you can book an initial session with one of our therapists. They will be happy to help you with more information on exercises, conversations about your self-compassion and how you can develop it to become more compassionate and balanced.
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7 important points about self-compassion
Developing Your Self-Compassion: Step by Step
Developing self-compassion is an important process for promoting mental health and well-being. Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you begin the journey towards increased self-compassion, both for yourself and to support others.
1. Understand what self-compassion means
Self-compassion is the ability to be kind and understanding to yourself in difficult times. It means acknowledging your own feelings and needs without judging yourself.
2. Identify your own feelings
Start by recognising and accepting your emotions as it is important to develop an awareness of your own emotional life and thoughts. These can range from joy to sadness, anger to gratitude. Acknowledging these emotions is the first step towards self-compassion.
3. Practice self-awareness
Reflect on your thoughts and actions. Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. Is your inner conversation critical or supportive? Practice replacing negative thoughts with more positive and supportive messages.
4. Show yourself understanding and kindness
When you face difficulties, try to treat yourself as you would treat a good friend. Be kind and understanding to yourself. Remember that all people make mistakes and that it is part of being human.
5. Practice self-compassion daily
Include small exercises in your daily routine that promote self-compassion. It can be as simple as taking a few deep breaths, writing down three things you are grateful for, or spending time on an activity you enjoy.
6. Seek support if needed
If you are struggling to develop self-compassion, don’t hesitate to seek support. It can be from friends, family or professionals, such as psychologists and therapists. Remember that asking for help is powerful.
7. Be patient and persistent
Developing self-compassion is a process that takes time as it requires reflection and insight. Be patient with yourself and keep practicing these steps, even when it feels challenging.
Remember, self-compassion is not just a technique, it is a lifestyle. By integrating these steps into your daily life, you can start building a stronger foundation of self-love and acceptance. If you need support in your development or just want to have a short conversation about how to start, you can easily book an appointment with one of our therapists or psychologists.
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