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Some babies need more attention, comfort, and engagement than others. This article addresses reasons for this and what you can do as a parent to make life a little easier for all of you.
What is a ‘high needs baby’?
‘High needs babies’ tend to need more from their parents than other babies. These children may require more attention to feeding and sleeping and more comfort from caregivers. They can be more hyperactive and sensitive as well. Characteristics often associated with high need babies include:
- Intense need for closeness. These children often want to be held or carried more time than other children.
- Difficulty sleeping. They may have difficulty falling asleep and may wake up more often during the night.
- Intense reactions. The child may show very strong reactions to hunger, fatigue or other discomforts.
- Requires frequent nursing or feeding. They may want to nurse or eat more often, sometimes as a form of comfort rather than hunger.
- Difficulty calming themselves. High needs babies can be more difficult to calm when upset and parents find that standard soothing methods don’t tend to work.
- Sensitivity to the environment. They may be more sensitive to light, sound, or changes in the environment.
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The concept of high needs babies was popularized by Dr. William Sears, an American pediatrician, who observed that some children seem to have a higher need for physical closeness and attention than other children in order to feel safe and content. It is important to note that these characteristics are not medical diagnoses but rather a way to describe a pattern of behavior that requires more parental support and adaptation.
Tips for parents
Parenting a baby with high needs can be exhausting, but there are strategies and approaches that can make life easier and strengthen the bond between you and your child. Here are some tips:
1. Accept your child’s needs
Accepting that your child has higher needs than others can help you adjust your expectations and find the patience needed to meet those needs with understanding and love.
2. Create closeness
Physical closeness, such as hugs, skin-to-skin contact, and wearing a baby carrier or sling can provide comfort and security to your high needs child.
3. Make routines flexible
While routines are important for all children, high needs babies may require more flexibility. Be ready to adapt schedules based on your child’s signals and needs.
4. Learn calming techniques
Different babies are calmed in different ways. Experiment with rocking, singing, soothing sounds, or quiet walks to see what works best for your baby.
5. Prioritize sleep
Sleep deprivation is common for parents of high needs babies. Try to rest when your baby rests and ask for help so you can take breaks.
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6. Simplify your life
Minimize other sources of stress in your life as much as possible. This may mean asking for help from family and friends, lowering expectations for household chores, or taking a break from social commitments.
7. Seek support
Finding a community or support group with other parents of high needs babies can be invaluable. Sharing experiences and connecting with others who understand can make a big difference in your mental health.
8. Take care of yourself
Don’t forget about your own well being. Eating healthfully, exercising, and giving yourself mental rest are essential to being the parent your child needs.
9. Seek professional help
If you feel overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. If you’re looking for an individual therapist, search for one with experience treating parents of new babies. Many health centers, pediatric practices, and preschools also provide parenting support groups and education on different aspects of parenting.
Parenting a high needs baby is challenging, and at the same time it is an opportunity to build a deep and meaningful relationship with your child. Through patience, love and the right supports, you can navigate this unique journey.
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12 frequently asked questions about high needs babies and children
What is a high needs baby?
‘High needs babies’ tend to need more from their parents than other babies. These children may require more attention to feeding and sleeping and more comfort from caregivers. They can be more hyperactive and sensitive as well.
What characterizes a high needs baby?
High needs babies may have difficulties with sleeping or feeding, be hyperactive or sensitive, cry often, and can be reactive to their environments.
Who developed the concept of high needs babies?
The concept of high needs babies was popularized by Dr. William Sears, an American pediatrician, who observed that some children seem to have a higher need for physical closeness and attention in order to feel safe and content.
Can babies be given a medical diagnosis of ‘high needs’?
‘High needs’ is not a medical diagnosis but rather a way to describe a pattern of behavior that requires more parental support and adaptation.
What can you do as a parent of a high needs baby?
Parenting a high needs baby requires patience and creativity. Strategies such as accepting the child’s needs, creating physical proximity, implementing flexible routines, learning calming techniques, prioritizing sleep, and seeking support or professional help can make life easier and strengthen the relationship with your child.
How long do babies need to sleep?
Babies usually sleep between 15 to 18 hours per day in the first few months. Sleep patterns can vary, however, with periods of sleep ranging from a few minutes to several hours at a time.
My baby cries a lot – what can I do?
If an infant is crying, it may help to gently rock the baby, offer food, check the diaper, or create a calming environment. Even if there are no clear sources of discomfort, some infants seem to cry more than others, so ask for help if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
What is a child psychologist?
A child psychologist is a licensed professional with knowledge and experience in working with children and parents.
What does a child psychologist do?
A child psychologist offers therapy and counseling for children and works with parents to support the whole family. They also work with schools to create a supportive environment for the child.
Can I see a child psychologist privately?
Yes, it is possible to see a child psychologist privately. At Lavendla we have several psychologists who have extensive experience of working with children and young people.
Can I see a child psychologist online?
Lavendla therapists meet exclusively online with clients via our secure video platform.
Where can I go if my child needs help from a child psychologist?
Search the profiles of Lavendla therapists on our website to find a child psychologist to meet your needs. You can also contact your insurance company for a list of covered providers.
How does treatment with a child psychologist work?
Seeking help from a child psychologist is an important step when a child is experiencing psychological difficulties or if you are having difficulties as a parent. Here is a brief overview of what treatment can look like:
Initial consultation. In this first step, the psychologist meets with the parents to discuss their concerns, the child’s development, family history, and other relevant topics. The psychologist will also typically meet with the child following the first meeting with the parents. After these sessions the psychologist will make suggestions to the parents about what course of treatment is indicated, if any.
Types of therapy: Common child therapy methods include play therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Play therapy allows the child to express their internal thoughts and feelings through play rather than words, as children’s verbal capacities are much more limited than adults’. CBT focuses on changing negative thought patterns and behaviors and can work well with children who have strong verbal skills. Treatment may also include parent counseling where parents receive guidance and support to better help their child at home.
Monitoring and adjustment: The treatment plan is continuously evaluated and adjusted as needed to ensure the best possible outcome.
It is important to remember that each child is unique, and therefore treatment may vary. Working with a child psychologist can give you and your child the tools they need to manage their emotions and behaviors in a healthy way. At Lavendla, we have child psychologists who can help make the hard things easier.
