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If you're experiencing anxiety or fear of being abandoned in your relationships, it's important to remember that you're not alone. Relationship anxiety is a common problem, but it's not something that you have to live with forever. With the right mindset and resources, you can overcome it. Believe in yourself and take control by understanding what relationship anxiety is and seeking help from those who can support you.
What is relationship anxiety?
Relationship anxiety is a form of anxiety disorder that is commonly associated with romantic relationships. It can affect both individuals in a relationship and those who are single and anxious about future relationships. This fear or worry can be linked to various aspects of a romantic relationship, including its early stages, growth and maintenance. The cause of relationship anxiety is often complex, but treatment is possible and can improve your ability to relate with other people.
Relationship anxiety early in life
Relationship anxiety is a condition that can begin during our early years of attachment to our parents or caregivers. How these individuals meet our needs can influence our level of security and our approach to relating to others. Although our early years can significantly impact our relationships, they are not the only factor. Treatment is available to help manage relationship anxiety.
The role of attachment in relationship anxiety
During our early years, we develop an attachment to other people that can significantly impact our behaviour and relationships.
Studies have identified four attachment styles: secure, ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized.
A secure attachment is characterized by clear communication and stable contact with others, with little fear of closeness or abandonment. An ambivalent attachment style may lead to anxiety and a need for reassurance from a partner about not being abandoned. An avoidant attachment style is more withdrawn in relationships and avoids getting close to others. Finally, a disorganized attachment style is based on fear and can lead to confusion and unpredictability in contact with others.
Research shows that approximately 60% of the population has a secure attachment style, 15% are avoidant, 10-15% are ambivalent, and 15-20% have a disorganized attachment style. It’s important to note that attachment is not a diagnosis but a theory that can help explain how we behave in relationships. If you think you have a problematic attachment pattern, it’s possible to seek help.
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Causes of relationship anxiety
Causes of relationship anxiety can be varied and include previous negative relationship experiences growing up, low self-esteem, fear of repeating the mistakes of prior relationships, or insecurity and uncertainty in the current relationship. There may also be underlying trauma. Seeking help from a psychologist or therapist may be beneficial if you have these issues.
Symptoms of relationship anxiety
Symptoms and signs of relationship anxiety can include:
- Fear of rejection: An overwhelming concern about being rejected by the partner can lead to avoiding approaching or engaging fully in the relationship.
- Fear of intimacy: Difficulties creating or maintaining emotional closeness, often due to fear of being hurt.
- Excessive concern about the status of the relationship: Constant doubts about the stability of the relationship or the partner’s feelings, even in the absence of real problems. This may involve asking the partner again or otherwise seeking confirmation.
- Jealousy and distrust: Unjustified feelings of jealousy or a tendency to suspect the partner without reason. This can also be related to various control behaviours.
- Need for constant reassurance: Continually seeking confirmation and reassurance of the partner’s feelings and commitments in the relationship.
- Avoidance behaviour: Avoiding serious relationships or withdrawing from a relationship when it starts to become severe or when feeling close for fear of losing autonomy, which is unfounded.
- Emotional roller coaster: Experiencing extreme emotional highs and lows based on events in a relationship.
If you are having difficulties in your relationship, you should seek help. Relationship problems may also be linked to other disorders such as trauma, social phobia or other anxiety disorders. Hence, getting an assessment from a psychologist or qualified therapist is vital.
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Treatment of relationship anxiety
Treatment for relationship anxiety can include therapy, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), to work on triggering situations, thoughts and behaviours. Schema Therapy could be considered, for more severe problems. Schema Therapy is a cognitive therapy that identifies past patterns from childhood and allows the client to overcome them. Couples therapy can also help manage anxiety within a relationship. Developing good communication and trust is also vital in reducing relationship anxiety.
The length of treatment depends on the severity of the problem. It ranges from four sessions to two years, depending on how the relationship anxiety manifests itself. Finding a psychologist or therapist you can trust and rely on is essential, as the relationship with the therapist is important.
Managing relationship anxiety
Relationships with other people form part of the core of our existence. Therefore, seeking help to change your patterns and create more intimacy in your relationships is important. Our service offers contact with psychologists and therapists ready to support you through your journey.
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12 FAQs about Relationship Anxiety
What is relationship anxiety?
Relationship anxiety is a form of anxiety disorder that is linked to romantic relationships.
What causes relationship anxiety?
Causes of relationship anxiety can be varied and include previous negative relationship experiences, low self-esteem, fear of repeating the mistakes of prior relationships, or insecurity and uncertainty in the current relationship. Underlying trauma can also be a cause, and it is crucial to seek help from a psychologist for these symptoms.
What does attachment have to do with relationship anxiety?
We create attachments to our primary caregivers based on how they meet our needs. There are four attachment styles: secure, ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized. Attachment theory is a theory of relating, not a diagnosis.
How is relationship anxiety different from regular anxiety?
Relationship anxiety can appear specifically in close intimate relationships such as in love relationships. Still, you can have anxiety in other relationships, too, such as with friends, co-workers or your children.
How common are the different attachment styles?
Studies have shown that around 60% of the population are securely attached, around 15% are avoidant, 10-15% are ambivalent, and 15-20% have a disorganized attachment style.
Does relationship anxiety develop at a certain age?
The foundation for relationship anxiety can be laid in the early years of life, but later events of stress and complex life events such as trauma can also influence it.
How does social media affect relationship anxiety?
Social media can exacerbate relationship anxiety by comparing oneself a lot to others, which can increase negative feelings.
What are the symptoms of relationship anxiety?
There are many symptoms of relationship anxiety, but some of them are concerns and fears such as rejection, intimacy, relationship status and jealousy. There can also be avoidance and withdrawal. The relationship may be out of balance with an emotional rollercoaster.
Is it common to feel fear in relationship anxiety?
It is not uncommon to feel fear in the context of a relationship. It is vital to acknowledge your feelings and work through them, possibly with the help of a therapist.
Can relationship anxiety be treated?
Treatment for relationship anxiety can include therapy, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), to work through anxiety-provoking thoughts and behaviours. For more severe problems, you may be helped by schema therapy, for example.
What is Schema Therapy?
Schema therapy is a cognitive therapy method developed to address attitudes and life patterns that have existed since childhood and adolescence. It can also be helpful for problems later in life.
Where can I go if I need help?
Through our site, you can book an initial session with a psychologist or therapist to describe your problems and start planning a treatment. We have therapists specializing in CBT, schema therapy, and couples therapy. We can help you make difficult things easier.
Treating relationship anxiety with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
Here, we discuss how relationship anxiety could be treated using CBT. Help is available, and here you can get an idea of the treatment:
- Assessment of symptoms: The first step is for a licensed psychologist or qualified therapist to help you evaluate your situation and history. They will assess whether your problems may also be related to other mental health problems. You may also be asked to complete assessment forms.
- Psychoeducation and goals: You will learn how your thoughts, feelings and behaviours affect you physically and mentally. They work on analyzing situations and also set goals for treatment.
- Tools to change behaviours and patterns: You will work on identifying and changing patterns of thought and behaviour. Your therapist can help you use different tools to overcome your problem. You will be given homework to practice between sessions.
- For more severe problems, you can attend schema therapy: If you have experienced problems since childhood that cause others suffering, you could consider Schema Therapy. This cognitive method was developed to work on life patterns that cause issues and to increase the quality of life.
- Couples therapy for relationship problems: If you’re experiencing relationship problems or have developed an unhealthy relationship dynamic, you may also need to consider couples therapy, such as Integrative Behavioral Therapy for Couples (IBCT) and cognitive behavioural therapy for couples.
- Follow up and evaluate progress. Your psychologist will support you throughout the process. At the end of the treatment, you will also receive a plan to continue practising and maintain your progress over time.
Feel free to book a first session with a psychologist or therapist to see how we can help you. We make the hard things easier.
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