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Divorce can be challenging, especially when children are involved. However, it's important to remember that there are ways to navigate this difficult period with support and positivity. In the following text, we'll explore what divorce can mean and provide helpful tips on how to deal with it constructively.
Divorce with children
Divorce is one of life’s most challenging periods, especially when children are involved. Parental separation can bring change, uncertainty, and emotional turbulence for children. As a parent, it’s vital to approach this sensitive situation with great care, understanding, and support to mitigate its impact on the youngest family members.
Getting divorced when there are children involved requires open communication, joint efforts to maintain stability and love, and strategies to manage the emotional well-being of both the parents and the children. Navigating the divorce in a way that protects the best interests of children and provides them with the security and structure they need is critical to their adjustment and long-term health.
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How do you tell children about divorce?
Telling children about divorce is a difficult conversation that requires care, sensitivity and honesty. It is essential to adapt the conversation to the child’s age and maturity level and to convey the message to minimise anxiety and uncertainty. Here are some steps to facilitate the discussion:
- Plan the conversation: Decide when you can talk privately, and if possible, make sure both parents are present to show a united front and support. Also, tell them as soon as you decide, but be sure of your decision.
- Be honest but careful: Explain the situation straightforwardly without going into adult details that could be harmful or confusing for the child. It may be enough to say that the parents are no longer in love and, therefore, need to separate.
- Assurance of love: The child must understand that the divorce does not affect the parents’ love for them. Children need to hear that they are not the cause of the divorce and that their parents’ care for them remains unchanged.
- Describe what will change and stay the same: Give the child a clear picture of the practical changes that will occur while emphasising the aspects of their life that will remain constant.
- Listen and answer questions: Be open to the child’s reactions and questions. It is important to listen actively and respond honestly to their concerns. Let the process take its time and answer questions as they arise.
- Offer support: Reassure the child that it’s okay to feel and express their feelings and that support is available, whether from parents, other family members, or professionals.
Navigating a conversation about divorce requires time, patience and a lot of care. The primary goal is to reassure the child that they will continue to be loved and supported through this change.
Reactions to divorce in children and young people of different ages
Children’s reactions to divorce vary depending on their age and stage of development. Young children may become more clingy and experience anxiety upon separation. Preschoolers may feel guilty and wonder if they caused the divorce. School-age children may show signs of sadness, anger, and anxiety about changes in everyday life. Teenagers may react with anger, rebellion, or social withdrawal and question their relationships. Children of any age can experience emotional pain and confusion. However, with the proper support and communication, children can learn to adapt and cope with the changes brought on by divorce.
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Dealing with divorce with children in the best possible way
Focusing on communication, cooperation, and consistency is crucial to creating a stable and positive foundation for children after a divorce. Here are some critical steps:
- Maintain open communication: Make sure children can talk about their feelings and thoughts about the divorce and the changes it brings.
- Parental cooperation: Despite the divorce, strive to maintain respectful and cooperative parenting. Consistency between homes regarding rules and routines helps the child feel secure.
- Stable environment: Try to maintain as much stability and routine as possible in the child’s daily life, including school, extracurricular activities, and social relationships.
- Assurance of love: Children need repeated assurances that both parents continue to love them and that the divorce is not their fault.
- Manage conflicts away from children: Avoid involving children in adult conflicts or speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the child.
- Adapting information: Give your child age-appropriate information about what is happening and the future. You can also read about introducing a new partner when that day comes.
- Seek support if needed: Consider involving a therapist or child psychologist if extra support is required to deal with the emotions of the divorce.
- Build new traditions: Create new positive traditions and memories that strengthen the bonds within the new family structure.
By creating a sense of normalcy, safety and love, children can better navigate the life changes of divorce and develop a strong foundation for the future.
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12 FAQs about Divorce with Children
What can divorce mean to children?
Going through a divorce is one of life’s most challenging periods, especially when children are involved. For children, parental separation can bring change, uncertainty and emotional turbulence.
How can you approach divorce as a parent?
As a parent, it is essential to approach divorce with great care, understanding and support to mitigate its impact on children.
What are my responsibilities as a parent during a divorce?
Divorcing when you have children requires open communication, joint efforts to maintain stability and love, and strategies to manage the emotional well-being of both parents and children.
How do I tell my children about a divorce?
Informing children about divorce requires preparation, honesty and adapting the message to the child’s age to reduce anxiety. Key steps include planning a conversation with both parents present, reassuring them of the parents’ continued love, clarifying changes and constants in the child’s life, actively listening and answering questions, and offering support in dealing with emotions and changes.
How do children react to divorce at different ages?
Young children may become more clingy and experience anxiety during separation, while preschoolers may feel guilty and wonder if they are the cause of the divorce. School-age children may show signs of sadness and anger and worry about changes in their daily lives. Teenagers may react with anger, rebellion, or social withdrawal and question their relationships.
How do I handle a divorce when there are children involved?
Creating a stable foundation for children after divorce means maintaining open communication, collaborative parenting, and a stable environment while ensuring parental love and managing adult conflicts away from children. Adapting the information, seeking professional support, and introducing new traditions can help the child adjust and feel safe through the change.
Should children be allowed to decide where they want to live?
The older the child gets, the more consideration should be given to the child’s views on issues such as housing. Decisions should always be made in the best interests of the child.
What is the ideal time for parents to separate when they have children?
There is no ideal age for children to experience parental separation, as children’s reactions vary with age, maturity, and support; what matters is how parents handle the separation. Parents should engage in open communication and stability, avoid conflict in front of the child, and offer support, which can mitigate adverse effects for children of all ages.
What is a child psychologist?
A child psychologist is a trained professional with knowledge and experience working to improve the well-being and mental health of children and their parents.
What does a child psychologist do?
Child psychologists offer therapy and counselling but also work with families to provide parental support and support to the whole family when needed. They also work with schools to create good conditions for the child.
Can I see a child psychologist online?
All of our child psychologists work digitally at Lavendla.
Where can I turn if I or my child needs help from a psychologist?
Depending on your child’s age, you can seek help through different services or parental counselling. At Lavendla, we have experienced child psychologists who can help.
How does treatment with a child psychologist work?
Seeking medical help is an important step when a child is experiencing mental health difficulties or if you are having difficulties as a parent. Here is a brief overview of what treatment can look like:
Initial consultation: The first step is an initial consultation, during which the psychologist or other qualified health professional assesses a child and their parents’ needs by talking to them.
Treatment plan: An individualized plan is developed based on the child’s specific situation and needs.
Types of therapy: Common approaches include play therapy for younger children, where play is used as a tool for expression and processing, and talk therapy and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) for older children, which focus on changing negative thought patterns and behaviours. Other methods, such as family therapy, can also be helpful.
Parental counselling: Parents receive guidance and support to help their child at home better.
Monitoring and adjustment: The treatment plan is continuously evaluated to ensure the best possible outcome.
It is important to remember that each child is unique, so treatment may vary. Working with a child psychologist can give you and your child the tools to manage their emotions and behaviours healthily. At Lavendla, we have child psychologists who can help make the hard stuff easier.
