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It's easy to fall into unsatisfactory relationship patterns, but couples therapy exercises can help bring about change. Here, we'll explore various examples of exercises you can do together.
What are couples therapy exercises?
Different exercises help couples break patterns and develop better relationships in couples therapy. Here are some exercises you can do with your partner at home or as part of couple therapy.
The exercises are designed to improve communication, resolve conflict, build trust, and deepen partners’ emotional and physical connection. Communication exercises focus on developing ways for couples to express their feelings, needs, and wants more effectively, for example, simply by using ‘I’ statements and practising active listening.
To manage conflict, therapists can introduce exercises to help couples identify recurring patterns and explore the deeper needs behind conflict. These can include techniques for managing intense emotions, such as diplomatic breakdowns.
Trust-building exercises aim to strengthen or restore trust in the relationship. They may involve sharing deeper feelings or making small but meaningful promises to each other. Intimacy—enhancing exercises increase emotional and physical closeness through maintaining eye contact or sharing personal dreams.
Planning date nights is another exercise that encourages couples to invest time in enjoying each other’s company, which can rekindle romance and play. Practising gratitude and doing different role plays to deal with various situations can also be helpful.
The use of exercises in couples therapy can give couples tools and strategies to improve their relationship in the long term. By actively participating in these exercises, couples can increase their understanding of each other and build a stronger, more satisfying relationship.
What set our therapist apart was her genuine empathy and personal insight. Not only did she possess a deep understanding of neurodiversity, but she also shared personal experiences that resonated with us, creating an instant connection and fostering a sense of trust!
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Examples of exercises in couples therapy
Maintaining closeness and interest in a relationship requires conscious effort from both partners. Start the day by showing curiosity about what your partner has planned; this can be as simple as a short conversation in the morning or a thoughtful message during the day. After a day apart, take the time to listen to how your partner’s day has been, without distractions, and make space to share feelings and experiences. Active listening is the key to successful communication, so focus entirely on your partner when they speak, try to understand their perspective and avoid giving unsolicited advice.
Small acts of love, such as buying your partner’s favourite snacks or sending an encouraging text message, can make a big difference. These gestures help strengthen the bond between you, especially when they become a natural part of everyday life. Prioritizing and scheduling time together is crucial in a busy world. It doesn’t have to be grandiose plans; even watching a show together or trying a new hobby can strengthen your relationship.
Finally, reflecting on and expressing gratitude daily for what you value in your relationship can profoundly affect your sense of closeness and appreciation. Taking the time to appreciate and be grateful for your partner and what you share can enhance feelings of love and connection. Through these conscious actions, you can build a stronger and more loving relationship.
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What is couples therapy?
Couple therapy is psychotherapy that helps couples resolve conflicts, improve communication and strengthen their relationship. It is suitable for couples in all relationship types and focuses on addressing issues that affect the relationship’s health. In therapy, the couple works with the therapist to understand the core issues, improve communication, manage disagreements and strengthen their relationship.
This involves exploring the history of the relationship, improving the expression of thoughts and feelings, addressing specific problems such as finances or parenting, and developing conflict management strategies. Couples therapy is valuable during crises like infidelity or significant changes, and the goal is to help the couple understand what is best for them, whether that means staying together or separating healthily.
The therapist acts as a neutral, supportive and objective party who helps the couple navigate through their problems without taking sides or placing blame. Seeking couples therapy can be a decisive step towards revitalizing a relationship and building a stronger, more fulfilling future together.
Treatment for relationship problems
Couples therapy begins with the initial sessions, during which the therapist gets to know the couple and their challenges. This is followed by setting joint goals to improve the relationship, such as better communication or conflict management. The work phase focuses on developing communication skills, resolving conflicts, working through emotional issues, and introducing positive behavioural changes, with active input from both partners. The process ends with an evaluation and a plan to maintain and improve the relationship.
The therapist’s role is to guide and support the couple through this process, where the couple’s involvement is crucial for success. Couple therapy aims to provide insights and tools for a stronger and more satisfying relationship. There are several different approaches to couple therapy. Here are two evidence-based approaches that are commonly used in couple therapy:
1. Integrative Behavioural Therapy for Couples (IBCT)
IBCT aims to help couples accept their irreconcilable differences and work on increasing closeness and understanding by improving emotional acceptance and empathic communication. The method combines behavioural changes with acceptance strategies. It is an evidence-based approach, meaning that it has been shown to produce good results in research, and it is a further development of cognitive behavioural therapy for couples.
2. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
EFT is a method that focuses on strengthening the emotional bond between partners by exploring the emotional responses that underlie the couple’s interaction patterns. The therapy helps couples identify and express their underlying emotional needs and learn to meet each other’s needs more satisfyingly. EFT is an evidence-based approach that has been shown to produce good research results.
Each method has strengths and may be more or less appropriate depending on the couple’s specific situation and needs. Other techniques, such as the Gottman Method and literature, can help couples gain insight into their relationships. Many couple therapists use these methods to best address the couple’s unique challenges.
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12 FAQs about Couples Therapy Exercises
What are exercises in couples therapy?
Couple therapy uses different exercises to help couples break patterns and develop a better relationship. For example, it can be about communication, spending time together or showing gratitude.
Why do we need to do exercises together?
Exercise can help improve communication, resolve conflicts, build trust, and deepen partners’ emotional and physical connection.
What are examples of different exercises?
Examples of exercises include showing curiosity, active listening, doing small acts of love, spending time together and remembering gratitude.
What is couples therapy?
Couple therapy is a form of psychotherapy that aims to help couples understand and resolve conflicts, improve their relationship and communication, and strengthen their closeness.
How does treatment for relationship problems work?
Treatment often starts with an assessment phase to identify problems and patterns. This is followed by an active treatment phase where work on tools and strategies to change patterns is central. Finally, there is a closing phase where the treatment is summarized for further work after the therapy.
What is IBCT?
IBCT (Integrative Behavioral Couples Therapy) is an evidence-based therapy that combines behavioural changes with acceptance strategies to help couples accept their differences and work on increasing closeness and understanding by improving emotional acceptance and empathic communication.
What is EFT?
EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) is an evidence-based therapy that focuses on building and strengthening the emotional bond between couples by exploring and transforming the negative patterns of interaction that contribute to conflict and distance in the relationship.
How do you work with exercises in couple therapy?
In therapy, you are often given exercises between sessions to practice different things in everyday life. This can help break patterns and create change.
My partner doesn’t want to do the exercises. What should I do?
If one party is not motivated to work on the relationship, more support may be needed. Couples therapy may be an option to get more support from a therapist.
Is it possible to do online couples therapy?
All psychologists and therapists at Lavendla offer remote therapy.
My partner has a mental health problem. Can we do couples therapy?
If you have problems with depression or other mental health issues such as addiction, it is essential to seek help for this separately from couples therapy. These problems often must be addressed before or simultaneously as couple therapy to get a good result.
Where can I seek help?
If you want to go to therapy, we recommend contacting a trained psychologist or therapist who works with couples. You can book a first appointment with one of our therapists here at Lavendla. We make the difficulties more manageable.
Treatment for relationship problems with Integrative Behavioral Couples Therapy (IBCT)
Integrative behavioural couple therapy (IBCT) is an evidence-based form of couple therapy that aims to help couples improve their relationship by accepting each other and increasing the couple’s emotional closeness. IBCT combines traditional behavioural therapy techniques with a focus on change and acceptance. Here is how a treatment with IBCT usually works:
Initial phase
- Assessment: Treatment begins with thoroughly assessing the couple’s relationship, including their current problems, relationship history, and each party’s perspectives and experiences.
- Feedback session: The therapist provides feedback based on the initial assessment. This phase often includes discussions about the couple’s strengths and areas that need development.
Work phase
- Focus on acceptance: IBCT emphasizes accepting unbridgeable differences between partners. The therapist works with the couple to help them understand and empathically accept each other’s needs, desires, and patterns of behaviour that cannot be easily changed.
- Emotional closeness: The therapist helps the couple increase their emotional closeness and understanding by encouraging openness and communication.
- Behaviour change: Although the focus is on acceptance, IBCT also includes strategies for behaviour change. This may involve developing new communication skills, solving problems, and improving daily interactions.
Closure
- Evaluation of progress: The therapist and the couple evaluate the progress made during therapy and discuss any future steps or continued support.
IBCT focuses on helping couples develop a deeper understanding and acceptance of each other, which can lead to a more satisfying and sustainable relationship. By balancing acceptance with active change efforts, IBCT aims to reduce conflict, increase closeness and strengthen the emotional bond between partners.
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