Fighting all the time

Why do we fight all the time?

Constant fighting in a relationship can be due to several underlying problems or unaddressed emotional needs. A common cause is communication problems, where difficulties in expressing feelings, needs and expectations effectively lead to misunderstandings and frustration. Unrealistic expectations can create a sense of disappointment. External pressures such as work stress, financial problems or family issues can increase tensions and result in frequent arguments.

Feelings of insecurity or jealousy can lead to conflict if not managed in a healthy way. Differences in values, priorities and life goals can create a gap between partners and cause recurring disputes. Untreated wounds or trauma from previous relationships can also affect the current relationship, leading to conflict.

What set our therapist apart was her genuine empathy and personal insight. Not only did she possess a deep understanding of neurodiversity, but she also shared personal experiences that resonated with us, creating an instant connection and fostering a sense of trust!

Benedetta Osarenk

Our customers say Excellent 4.7 out of 5 based on 5123 ratings

A sense of power imbalance, where one partner dominates decision-making or does not respect the other’s boundaries, can also contribute to arguments. If a partner has mental health problems such as depression or substance abuse, they may also need to undergo self-help therapy.

To reduce conflict, you can improve communication, manage stress more effectively, and seek compromise. Couples therapy can reduce the feelings of loneliness and distance that can arise in a relationship that is strained by fighting. It can bring people closer together and improve the quality of the relationship.

How often is it expected to fight?

The frequency of arguments in relationships differs between couples and depends on factors such as personalities and communication styles. What matters is how conflict is handled, not how often it happens. Constructive conflict can strengthen relationships by increasing understanding and personal growth. Frequent and destructive arguments, on the other hand, can signal more profound problems that can damage the relationship. Developing good communication skills and seeking couple’s therapy when necessary is essential for a healthy relationship.

Book a meeting

Fill in the form, choose a counsellor, and proceed to payment.

Are there any benefits to fighting?

Conflicts in relationships can be beneficial if managed constructively, acting as catalysts for improved communication, increased understanding, development of conflict management skills, resolved problems, stronger relationships and personal growth. Couples can achieve better communication and increased empathy by expressing feelings and needs. Healthy conflict management enables problem-solving and promotes self-reflection and development. However, if conflicts are mismanaged and destructive, couples may need professional help, such as couples therapy, to learn more effective communication and conflict management.

How do you deal with the fights?

Managing arguments in a relationship effectively involves good communication, understanding, empathy, and sometimes creative solutions. You can use ‘I’ messages to express feelings and needs, which helps to avoid your partner becoming defensive. Actively listening to each other and showing that you understand and respect the other’s perspective, even if you don’t agree, is crucial to reducing tension and increasing understanding in the relationship.

An effective strategy is to take a break if emotions become intense, allowing both parties to calm down before continuing the discussion. Then, focus on problem-solving. If compromise is possible, you both show that you value the relationship and are willing to work together to find a solution that works for both of you.

To strengthen the relationship further, it is essential to spend quality time together outside of conflict situations and share personal thoughts, feelings, and dreams. If you find the arguments becoming destructive or difficult to manage on your own, it may be a good idea to seek professional help through couples therapy. Learning to manage conflict constructively is essential to building a solid and lasting relationship.

Why Lavendla?

What is couples therapy?

Couples therapy is psychotherapy that helps couples resolve conflicts, improve communication and strengthen their relationship. It is suitable for couples in all relationship types and focuses on addressing issues that affect the relationship’s health. In therapy, the couple works with the therapist to understand the core issues, improve communication, manage disagreements and strengthen their relationship.

This involves exploring the history of the relationship, improving the expression of thoughts and feelings, addressing specific problems such as finances or parenting, and developing conflict management strategies. Couples therapy is valuable during crises like infidelity or significant changes, and the goal is to help the couple understand what is best for them, whether that means staying together or separating healthily.

The therapist acts as a neutral, supportive and objective party who helps the couple navigate through their problems without taking sides or placing blame. Seeking couples therapy can be a decisive step toward revitalising a relationship and building a stronger, more fulfilling future together.

Treatment for relationship problems

Couples therapy begins with initial sessions where the therapist gets to know the couple and their challenges, followed by setting joint goals to improve the relationship, such as better communication or conflict management. The work phase focuses on developing communication skills, resolving conflicts, working through emotional issues and introducing positive behavioural changes, with active input from both partners. The process ends with an evaluation and a plan to maintain and improve the relationship. The therapist’s role is to guide and support the couple through this process, where the couple’s involvement is crucial for success. Couple therapy aims to provide insights and tools for a stronger and more satisfying relationship.

Different methods of couple therapy

There are several approaches to couple therapy, each with its theoretical basis and techniques to help couples improve their relationship. Here are two evidence-based approaches that are commonly used in couple therapy:

1. Integrative Behavioural Therapy for Couples (IBCT)

IBCT aims to help couples accept their irreconcilable differences and work on increasing closeness and understanding. This can be done by improving emotional acceptance and empathic communication. The method combines behavioural changes with acceptance strategies. It is an evidence-based approach, meaning that it has been shown to produce good results in research, and it is a further development of cognitive behavioural therapy for couples.

2. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

EFT is a method that focuses on strengthening the emotional bond between partners by exploring the emotional responses that underlie the couple’s interaction patterns. The therapy helps couples identify and express their underlying emotional needs and learn to meet each other’s needs more satisfactorily. EFT is an evidence-based approach that has been shown to produce good research results.

Each method has strengths and may be more or less appropriate depending on the couple’s specific situation and needs. Other techniques, such as the Gottman Method and literature, can help couples gain insight into their relationship. Many couple therapists use these methods to best address the couple’s unique challenges.