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Are you constantly seeking control over situations, people, or even yourself? Are you in a controlling relationship? If so, you may be experiencing the effects of your or someone else's need for control. If you are seeking more information on this topic and how to seek help, this article is for you.
What is a need for control?
A need for control means a strong desire to control situations, people, environments, or oneself. Depending on the individual and the circumstances, it can manifest itself in different ways and with varying degrees of severity.
People often desire to control and predict outcomes and may need order and structure. The need for control can affect both personal and professional relationships. If you are a victim of someone needing control, it is good to seek help.
It is also essential to seek help to control something with negative consequences.
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What causes you to develop a need to control?
Control issues can have various causes, including personality traits, past experiences, or as a reaction to stress or trauma. In some cases, it can be linked to underlying psychological conditions such as anxiety disorders or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). It is also a component of eating disorders and personality disorders. It is also common in neuropsychiatric problems, such as autism.
Is OCD a diagnosis?
Control issues are not a psychiatric diagnosis, but they can be part of other mental health problems. This does not mean that having a need for control does not cause suffering that can affect both you and others, but the good thing is that it can be treated.
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Need for control in relationships
Control issues in relationships involve a person trying to dominate and control their partner’s behaviour, thoughts and feelings. This can arise from a desire to feel secure and stable, resulting from a personal lack of trust. People develop a need for control in relationships because of, among other things, early experiences in relationships, uncertainty about their identity, and low self-esteem.
If a person needs control in a relationship, they tend to monitor their partner and restrict them in various ways. Emotional manipulation, such as guilt and shame, is common to get the person to do what they want. Criticism and devaluation can also be used to reduce the partner’s self-confidence. Other ways of exercising negative control include controlling the partner’s finances. You can also be jealous and isolate the person in various ways.
The need for control can lead to severe problems in a relationship where a power imbalance causes ill health. The need for control can also occur in other relationships, such as with parents and friends. The person being controlled can feel stifled, diminished and insecure, which can lead to low self-esteem and depression. In the long run, this behaviour can lead to several negative consequences, making it difficult for both parties to trust and respect each other.
Controlling relationships can develop into violent relationships, and it is essential to seek help as soon as possible. If necessary, contact a women’s shelter or the police if you are living in a violent relationship.
Need for control and perfectionism
People who are perfectionists often feel a need for control. They want to predict things and are inflexible in the face of changes, such as when things don’t turn out how they want. If you are a perfectionist, you may have difficulty trusting others and delegating tasks, leading to stress because you must do everything yourself. If things are not perfect, you may also become frustrated and angry. This can affect relationships and make it challenging to work with others.
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Symptoms of a need to control
The symptoms of control issues can vary, but usually, they involve a pattern of behaviour where a person is constantly trying to control and influence their environment, including people, situations and outcomes. This can manifest itself in different ways:
- Excessive organization and planning: A constant need to have everything organized and planned, often to the point where there is no room for spontaneity or unexpected events.
- Micro-management: The need to control every aspect of a situation, project or people’s behaviour, often in great detail.
- Difficulty delegating tasks: Not trusting others to perform tasks well enough leads to taking on too much yourself.
- Perfectionism: A constant striving for perfection in everything you do, which can create unrealistic expectations of yourself and others.
- Difficulty with unpredictability: A solid aversion to uncertainty and change can lead to trying to control all variables to predict outcomes.
- Excessive control in relationships: Trying to control the partner’s behaviours, choices, and social interactions can include jealousy and isolation.
- Fear of criticism: A desire to control how others perceive you, including over-interpreting feedback or criticism.
- Difficulty managing emotions: Using control as a way to deal with anxiety, fear or other emotions.
- Low tolerance for mistakes: Getting very upset or angry about one’s or others’ mistakes, as these are perceived as a lack of control.
- Stress and anxiety: Constant stress and anxiety about things you cannot control.
If you recognize these symptoms, it is a good idea to seek help to change your thoughts and attitudes. This can reduce your stress, make you feel happier, and make it easier to relate to others.
Treatment for control issues
If you have control issues, you may benefit from psychological treatment to manage your behaviours and emotions. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can help you learn how to deal with the need for control and work with underlying thoughts and feelings. For more severe problems, schema therapy can also be a helpful method, working more on patterns that have been present since childhood.
Treatment for control issues usually involves working on the underlying causes, learning new patterns of behaviour and developing healthier ways of managing your thoughts and how you act in different situations. Stress management and relaxation techniques can be used. Emotional management and communication skills are also usually part of the treatment to improve relationships. If necessary, medication can be helpful in combination with psychotherapy. Here are some strategies that can be used to treat control issues:
Remembering that treatment may vary depending on the person’s unique needs and situation is essential. Professional help from a psychotherapist, psychologist, or doctor may be necessary to determine the most effective treatment plan.
Seeking help can change your life
Talking to a professional therapist or psychologist can help you understand your problems better and offer treatment to deal with them. You are not alone, and it is okay to ask for help.
Your next step
Talking to a professional therapist or psychologist is good if you or someone you know has controlling behaviours and beliefs. We assure you that all therapists and psychologists on our platform are qualified, and your conversation is always confidential. Don’t be afraid to take the first step.
You can significantly improve your quality of life with the right support and tools. We are here to help you if you are ready to take the next step. Book your first session today and start your journey towards a better future.
12 FAQs about the Need for Control
What is a need for control?
A need for control means a strong desire to control situations, people, environments, or oneself. Depending on the individual and the circumstances, it can manifest itself in different ways and with varying degrees of severity.
Is a need for control a diagnosis?
The need for control is not a psychiatric diagnosis, but it can occur in various psychiatric conditions. It is a way of coping with life but can also be a personality trait.
Are control issues hereditary?
Control issues can have various causes, including past experiences or reactions to stress or trauma. In some cases, it can be linked to underlying psychological conditions such as anxiety, eating disorders, personality disorders and neuropsychiatric problems.
What are the symptoms of a need for control?
People often desire to control and predict outcomes and may need order and structure. Control issues can affect both personal and professional relationships.
How are control needs treated?
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) focuses on helpful thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Other methods, such as schema therapy, can also help bring about change if you have more severe problems.
Can you have other mental health problems with control issues?
Control issues can occur in several different psychiatric conditions, such as OCD, eating disorders, personality disorders and autism. If you think you have any of these other conditions, it is essential to seek help for them, too.
I have a problem with being controlling; what should I do?
First, it is good to recognize your problem behaviour and admit it to yourself. Then, you can contact a psychologist or therapist for help and support. It is possible to feel better.
How does growing up affect control needs?
If you have had an unpredictable childhood where you have not developed trust, you may need control, but it can also be a result of life events such as trauma. If parents are controlling, you can also learn the behaviour from them. You can get help with this in treatment.
Does the need for control affect the ability to work?
Yes, it can affect your ability to function by making you very stressed and difficult to cooperate with others. You can become very detail-oriented and have difficulty with changes, which can cause problems.
I am in a relationship where I feel controlled; what should I do?
Being in a controlling relationship can be hard on self-esteem and confidence. If you feel bad in your relationship, seek help from a professional therapist or psychologist.
Is it possible to go to couples therapy if one partner needs control?
It is possible to go to couple therapy to treat patterns in the relationship. Still, if there is violence in the relationship, you should contact a women’s shelter or the police. Feel free to book an initial consultation with one of our psychologists and therapists if the problems are milder.
Where can I turn if I need help?
You can book an initial session with a therapist or psychologist to describe your problems and plan a treatment. We will help you make the hard things more accessible.
Couple therapy for control issues
Identifying patterns of behaviour to address control issues in relationships and work on them is important. Communication is also crucial to treatment; expressing feelings and needs healthily can help resolve conflict and build a stronger, more equal relationship. It is also essential for the person being controlled to set boundaries and communicate their needs. Working through control needs in relationships is a process that requires time and patience. It is important to remember that both parties in a relationship deserve to feel respected, valued and free to be themselves.
If the relationship is destructive and abusive and if there is violence in the relationship, it is essential to get help as soon as possible. This may mean contacting a women’s shelter. It is vital to seek help from professionals.
What does treatment for control needs involve?
Seeking help is a big step towards better health; deciding to work on your well-being is positive. Here is an overview of the steps usually involved in CBT treatment.
Step 1: An initial assessment session
The first meeting with your psychologist or therapist is an assessment. During this meeting, you review your history and how the problems have arisen. You may be asked questions about your life situation, feelings, thoughts, and behaviours. You may also be asked to complete assessment forms.
Step 2: Psychoeducation and goal setting
This is where you and your therapist set concrete goals for the therapy, both short and long-term. It can define which areas of your life are most affected by your problem and how you would like to change them.
Step 4: Treatment with different techniques and tools
This is the start of the treatment phase, which involves exercises to give you tools to overcome and process the problem you are suffering from. This may include communication exercises and behavioural changes to manage emotions and thoughts.
Step 5: Monitoring and evaluation
Treatment is monitored regularly to see how well the therapy is working. If necessary, the treatment plan can be adjusted or renewed.
Step 6: Ending and looking ahead
As the therapy ends, it is time to reflect on the progress. You will also receive a maintenance plan for using the tools and strategies you have learned in the future. It is also essential to monitor the results over time.
If you or someone close to you is seeking professional help, do not hesitate to book a session with one of our psychologists or therapists.
If you have thoughts of self-harm or suicidal thoughts, South African Depression and Anxiety Group Helpline at 0800 456 789 or the nearest emergency psychiatric clinic.
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