Home » Online Therapy » Personal development » Self-esteem

How do you perceive yourself and handle your successes, failures, and goals? Developing a balanced self-esteem and a strong self-image can be challenging, but we will support you every step.

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is the foundation of our psychological well-being and a central part of personal development. It reflects how we view ourselves, our worth, and our ability to cope with life’s challenges. Strong self-esteem gives us the courage to try new things, while low self-esteem can lead to anxiety and prevent us from reaching our full potential. Compare self-esteem with self-compassion, which is closely related to self-esteem.

The impact of self-esteem

Positive self-esteem: Leads to better decisions, increased resilience and happiness.

Negative self-esteem: This can cause anxiety and depression and limit our ability to develop.

What set our therapist apart was her genuine empathy and personal insight. Not only did she possess a deep understanding of neurodiversity, but she also shared personal experiences that resonated with us, creating an instant connection and fostering a sense of trust!

Benedetta Osarenk


Our counsellors

Click here to view all psychologists, therapists, and coaches.

CBT and self-esteem

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is an effective method for improving self-esteem. Through CBT, individuals are given tools to identify and transform negative thought patterns that affect their self-image.

How CBT helps

Identify negative thoughts: Learn to recognize and challenge destructive thoughts.

Change behavioural patterns: Develop new strategies for dealing with difficult situations.

Therapy for self-esteem

Seeking therapy to boost your self-esteem is a brave step. Therapists can offer support and techniques to work on self-image and self-evaluation. They can also help manage the anxiety that can result from low self-esteem. In discussion with your coach or therapist, you can agree which path is best for you, or whether a mixture of different types of therapy has the greatest potential to help you. One thing to consider, for example, is whether you want to stick to individual therapy or find group therapy better. In the former case, you will have the opportunity to receive personalized guidance tailored to your needs; in the latter, it is about sharing experiences and learning from others in similar situations to your own.

The way forward: Improving your self-esteem

  • Self-reflection: Deepen your understanding of your thoughts and feelings.
  • Set realistic goals: Create achievable goals to build self-confidence.
  • Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and acknowledge your progress.
  • Seek professional help: A psychologist can give you tools and support.

Building and maintaining a strong self-esteem

After understanding the basics of self-esteem and its impact on our lives, the next step is exploring how to build and maintain strong self-esteem.

Long-term strategies for self-esteem

  • Regular self-reflection: Dedicate weekly time to reflect on your thoughts, feelings and behaviours. This can be done through journaling or meditation.
  • Evaluate and set goals: Set personal goals, both big and small, and evaluate your success regularly. This builds self-confidence and provides a sense of achievement.
  • Develop positive relationships: Surround yourself with people who support and encourage you. Avoid relationships that are destructive or negative.
  • Take care of your physical health: Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and enough sleep are essential for mental health and self-esteem.

Challenges and solutions

  • Negative self-criticism: Turn self-criticism into constructive self-reflection. Ask yourself, “Is this true?” and “How can I improve?”
  • Comparison with others: Remember that everyone has their journey. Focus on your personal development instead of comparing yourself to others.

CBT exercises for self-esteem

CBT exercises can be efficient in improving self-esteem. Here are some exercises you can try:

  • Rethinking: When you notice a negative thought, stop and ask yourself if there is a more positive way to look at the situation.
  • Role play: Practice different social situations with a therapist or a friend to build confidence and self-esteem when interacting with others.

Self-esteem in everyday life

In everyday life, there are small steps that can be taken to boost self-esteem:

Give yourself recognition: Give yourself credit for your successes, no matter how small.

Challenge yourself: Try new things and go outside your comfort zone. This can be anything from trying a new hobby to taking on new challenges at work.

Building and maintaining strong self-esteem is a continuous process. You can gradually improve your self-image through self-reflection, goal setting, and surrounding yourself with positive influences. Remember that professional help, such as therapy and CBT, can offer additional support and tools on this journey.


Book a meeting

Fill in the form, choose a counsellor, and proceed to payment.


Self-esteem at different stages of life

The foundation for self-esteem is laid in childhood and adolescence. Encouragement, support, and positive feedback from parents and teachers play a crucial role.

  • Young adults: This period is often characterized by finding one’s identity and place in society. Challenges such as studies, career choices, and relationships can significantly impact self-esteem.
  • Middle age: The middle years of life can bring new responsibilities, such as parenthood and career development. Work-life balance is vital for self-esteem.
  • Older age: Retirement and ageing can change self-perception. Finding new purposes and maintaining social networks is crucial.

Dealing with life changes

Accepting change: Accepting and adapting to change is a key to maintaining a strong sense of self.

Finding new roles: In each new stage of life, explore and embrace new roles and identities.

Self-esteem and relationships

Self-esteem affects and is affected by our relationships, how we experience them and the response we receive in them.

  • Positive relationships: Strengthen self-esteem through support, appreciation and love.
  • Negative relationships Can reduce self-esteem through criticism, neglect or misunderstanding.

Building healthy relationships is critical to building good self-esteem.

  • Communication: Be open and honest in your relationships.
  • Boundary setting: Set healthy boundaries to protect your self-esteem.

Self-esteem and working life

Just like other relationships, our professional relationships can significantly impact our self-esteem. How we feel about our work environment and career has a significant effect, so knowing how to manage our work life is essential.

In the workplace, it is essential that we actively seek and evaluate what is good for us and our personal development as much as what benefits our employer. Good well-being and self-esteem ultimately lead to better, more focused, and more conscious performance precisely because they give meaning and value to our daily lives. Finding that kind of symbiosis between our personal goals for our well-being and the goal of our work is what builds long-term sustainable relationships, even professionally. To find a harmonious exchange between your self-esteem and your work, you can focus on:

  • Appreciation and feedback: Seek and value constructive feedback.
  • Career development: See challenges as opportunities for growth.

Managing work-related stress is necessary so we don’t run out of resources to look after ourselves or risk exhaustion. The way we approach our work creates the conditions for our development. Important concepts to consider are:

  • Work-life balance: Prioritize work-life balance.
  • Professional development: Continue to learn and develop professionally.

Why is it important to build self-esteem?

Understanding and managing self-esteem through the different stages of life is a continuous process that requires self-awareness and adaptability. By knowing how various life events and relationships affect self-esteem, we can better navigate these challenges.

Our psychologists and therapists can help you explore these aspects of self-esteem further. Contact us for guidance and support tailored to your unique needs and life situation.

Self-esteem and mental health

Self-esteem is strongly linked to our overall mental health. Taking care of your mental health is crucial to promoting and maintaining a positive self-image.

Strategies for mental health

  • Mindfulness and meditation: These practices can help reduce stress and increase awareness of thoughts and feelings.
  • Emotional regulation: Learn how to manage and express your emotions healthily.

Lifestyle choices and self-esteem

Our daily choices and routines have a direct impact on our self-esteem. A healthy lifestyle can strengthen our self-image and self-confidence. Therefore, it is essential to create healthy habits that put us in the best possible position. These fundamental aspects are worth keeping in mind:

  • Regular physical activity: Exercise has been shown to affect self-esteem positively.
  • Balanced diet: A nutritious diet contributes to better physical and mental health.
  • Adequate sleep: Good sleep is essential for both physical and mental well-being.

Why Lavendla?

4,7 of 5 in 5000+ reviews

Thousands of clients trust Lavendla Therapy for delivering exceptional service and support.

Choose your own counsellor

Browse and select a counsellor based on reviews, area of focus, and education, ensuring you find the perfect match.

45, 60 or 90 min sessions

Choose a 45, 60, or 90-minute session, or a package, providing flexibility and control over the duration and intensity.


20 FAQs about Self-Esteem

What is meant by self-esteem?

Self-esteem is our perception of our worth and ability to cope with life’s challenges. It is about how we see ourselves, both our strengths and weaknesses. A balanced self-esteem means we feel valuable and capable, regardless of external circumstances.

How does low self-esteem manifest itself?

Low self-esteem can manifest itself in many ways. Common signs include negative self-criticism, difficulty accepting praise, avoiding new challenges or feeling less worthy than others. This lack of self-evaluation can affect both personal and professional relationships.

What is the difference between self-confidence and self-esteem?

Self-confidence is about how confident you feel in your abilities, while self-esteem is more related to how you value yourself. You can have high self-confidence in certain situations, such as work, but still have low self-esteem.

What can be done about low self-esteem?

You can start by identifying and questioning negative thought patterns to improve low self-esteem. Practice self-compassion and set realistic goals. Sometimes, seeking professional help, such as therapy or counselling, can be helpful to work through the root causes of low self-esteem.

What are the long-term effects of not working on self-esteem?

Not working on self-esteem can lead to chronic stress, anxiety and depression. It can also affect the ability to build healthy relationships and make achieving personal and professional goals difficult. Therefore, it is important to actively work on improving self-esteem.

Does social media affect our self-esteem?

Yes, social media can significantly impact our self-esteem. Comparing our lives with those of others, which are often portrayed as perfect, can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-criticism. It is important to remember that social media usually shows an idealized version of reality.

Can you have high self-esteem?

Excessive self-esteem, bordering on self-overestimation, can be problematic. It can lead to unrealistic expectations of oneself and others and difficulties in receiving feedback and learning from mistakes. Being balanced in your perspective of yourself is vital to a healthy self-perception.

How can you build your child’s self-esteem?

Building children’s self-esteem involves encouraging them, showing appreciation and love, and helping them learn from their mistakes. Listening to and acknowledging their feelings is also essential, allowing them to develop a strong sense of self-worth.

Is self-esteem something you are born with?

Self-esteem is not something we are born with but develops over time through our experiences and relationships. Parents, teachers, and important people in our lives play a major role in this development.

Can physical activity improve self-esteem?

Absolutely. Physical activity has been shown to have a positive effect on self-esteem. Regular exercise can improve our body image, reduce stress, and increase feelings of well-being, which in turn can be empowering.

Is it possible to change your self-esteem in adulthood?

Yes, changing and improving your self-esteem in adulthood is absolutely possible. It requires self-awareness, the willingness to question and change negative thought patterns, and sometimes professional help. Personal development is a lifelong process.

How does our self-esteem affect our relationships?

Self-esteem plays a significant role in how we interact with others. Low self-esteem can lead to problems such as insecurity in relationships, difficulty setting boundaries, and constant seeking validation from others. Healthy self-esteem contributes to more nutritious and balanced relationships.

What role does self-esteem play in working life?

Self-esteem is essential at work for dealing with challenges, accepting criticism, and cooperating with colleagues. Balance can increase productivity, decision-making, and leadership skills.

Can meditation and mindfulness help boost self-esteem?

Meditation and mindfulness can be practical tools for boosting self-esteem. They help reduce stress, increase self-awareness and promote a more accepting and non-judgmental attitude towards oneself.

Are there any specific exercises that can help improve self-esteem?

Yes, several exercises can help. Some examples are daily self-reflection, writing down positive qualities about yourself, setting realistic goals, and regularly challenging negative thoughts. Engaging in activities that you are good at and that give you satisfaction can also help.

How do we distinguish between low self-esteem and depression?

Low self-esteem and depression are related but distinct conditions. Low self-esteem involves a negative perception of oneself. At the same time, depression is a mental illness with symptoms such as persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities, and physical problems such as difficulty sleeping. However, low self-esteem can be a risk factor for depression.

What impact does the family have on the development of self-esteem in children?

The influence of the family is significant for developing children’s self-esteem. A supportive and loving family environment, where the child receives encouragement and positive feedback, helps to build strong self-esteem. Feeling accepted and valued by the family is fundamental to a child’s self-image.

Can a person have good self-esteem but poor self-confidence?

Yes, it is possible. A person can have a favourable view of themselves as an individual (good self-esteem) but feel insecure about their abilities or skills in certain situations (low self-confidence). These two concepts are related but different aspects of self-perception.

How can you help someone else build their self-esteem?

Helping someone build self-esteem can involve sincere encouragement, listening and understanding, and making them feel valued and respected. Avoiding negative criticism and focusing on the person’s strengths and progress is essential.

Can a person’s self-esteem be measured or quantified?

Self-esteem is subjective and varies over time, so it isn’t easy to accurately measure it. However, psychological rating scales and questionnaires can give an indication. Qualified professionals in psychology and psychiatry should use these tools.

Steps towards better self-esteem

You can start Working on your self-esteem when you feel ready. If you need help, you are always welcome to contact one of our coaches or therapists, who will gladly guide and advise you. To give you an idea of what building self-esteem might look like, we’ve compiled the steps below.

Identify your strengths and weaknesses

Explore your personal strengths and areas of less confidence with your coach or therapist. This will provide a foundation on which to build.

Set realistic goals

Set concrete and realistic goals for your personal development. These should be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound (S.M.A.R.T.).

Work on self-acceptance

Learn to accept yourself as you are. Your therapist can help you develop a more forgiving and understanding attitude towards yourself.

Challenging negative thought patterns

Using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or similar methods, identify and challenge negative thoughts that affect your self-esteem.

Practice gratitude and positive thinking

Daily notes of things you are grateful for make you see life and yourself more positively.

Develop self-compassion

Learn to be kind and supportive of yourself, especially during difficult times. This can include self-care and encouraging yourself as you would a friend.

Improve social skills

Work with your therapist to develop skills for better social interactions and relationships, which can boost your self-esteem.

Evaluate and adapt

Regularly assess your progress with your coach or therapist and adjust the plan.

Maintain successes

As you make progress, take time to acknowledge and celebrate your successes. This builds a sense of achievement and strengthens your self-esteem.

Keep growing

Self-esteem is an ongoing process. Work with your therapist to further develop and maintain your self-esteem over time.

Remember: Building better self-esteem takes time and patience, and it is important to have support on your journey. We make the hard stuff easier by being there for you every step of the way.


Written by Samantha Pieterse

Sr. Samantha Pieterse is a registered psychiatric nurse who is deeply committed to mental health and well-being. Samantha brings a unique and valuable perspective to her role as an editor for Lavendla South Africa. She has worked in Government and Private mental healthcare institutions in Gauteng and her expertise ensures that the articles on our website are accurate and accessible. Samantha is dedicated to enhancing mental health awareness and education in South Africa.