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Sometimes, persistent irritability may require additional assistance. Here, we will discuss ways to make progress.

What is irritation?

Irritation is a common human emotion that can occur in various situations and affect people differently. It is an emotional response triggered by frustration, stress, or being overwhelmed by circumstances or another person’s behaviour.

While irritation is a natural and sometimes unavoidable part of life, managing and responding to these feelings is crucial for our emotional well-being and relationships. Irritation can vary in intensity from mild annoyance to intense anger, and understanding its causes and effects can help us develop strategies to manage these emotions more constructively.

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We must understand our triggers and develop healthy ways to express these feelings. Once we do, we can use these to reduce the negative impact of constant irritation on our lives and improve our well-being and relationships.

What causes irritation?

A range of factors, including stress or physical fatigue, can irritate. These factors impact our patience level and how we manage unmet expectations.

Differences in values, behaviours, or personalities can also cause irritability. Physical discomfort or chronic pain, anxiety or depression, and environmental factors such as noise may increase irritability. Hormonal changes, such as those that occur during pregnancy or the menstrual cycle, and lack of sleep also significantly impact mood.

Understanding these triggers is the key to managing irritation more effectively.


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How can irritation be managed?

Managing irritability requires openly communicating the causes in a non-accusatory way and pausing to calm down. Focusing on solutions and adjusting any unrealistic expectations can help in triggering situations. Self-care also plays a crucial role in reducing irritation levels.

Children need to understand their perspective, set clear boundaries, use positive reinforcement, set aside time to talk about their feelings and model healthy behaviours.

By actively working on these strategies, irritability can be well managed and relationships strengthened rather than damaged, recognizing that irritation is natural.

What is couples therapy?

Couples therapy is a type of psychotherapy that helps couples resolve conflicts, improve communication, and strengthen relationships. It is suitable for couples of all kinds and focuses on addressing issues that affect a relationship’s health. In therapy, a couple works with a therapist to gain insight into the core issues, improve communication, manage disagreements, and strengthen their relationship.

This may involve exploring the history of the relationship, improving the expression of thoughts and feelings, addressing specific problems such as finances or parenting, and developing conflict management strategies. Couples therapy is valuable during crises like infidelity or significant changes. The goal is to help a couple understand what is best, whether that means staying together or separating.


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During couples counselling, the therapist acts as a neutral, supportive, and objective party who can mediate as a couple navigates their problems. Seeking couples therapy can be a decisive step towards rebuilding a relationship and a stronger, more fulfilling future together.

Treatment for relationship problems

Couples therapy begins with an initial session, where the therapist gets to know the couple and their challenges. This is followed by a session where joint goals are set, such as better communication or conflict management. Once a couple’s relationship goals are set, they will move on to the work phase, which focuses on communication skills, conflict resolution, emotional issues, and behavioural changes. Each step of couples counselling requires active input from both partners. Couples counselling ends with an evaluation and a plan to maintain and improve the relationship. The therapist’s role is to guide and support a couple through this process.

Couple therapy aims to provide insights and tools for a stronger and more satisfying relationship.

Different methods of couple therapy

There are several approaches to couple therapy, each with its theoretical basis and techniques. Here are two evidence-based approaches that are commonly used in couple therapy:

1. Integrative Behavioural Couples Therapy (IBCT)

IBCT aims to help couples accept their irreconcilable differences and work on increasing closeness and understanding. The method combines behavioural changes with acceptance strategies. IBCT is an evidence-based approach that has been researched and is known to produce good results. It is based on research and is a specialized cognitive behavioural therapy branch focusing on couples.

2. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

EFT is a therapy method that focuses on strengthening the emotional bond between partners. This is done by exploring the emotional responses that underlie the couple’s interaction patterns. EFT helps couples identify and express their emotional needs and learn how to meet them. EFT is an evidence-based approach that is known to produce good results.

Each couple’s situation and needs will be considered when determining which method to use. Another method, such as the Gottman Method,d can help a couple learn more about their relationship. Many couples therapists use these methods to address a couple’s unique challenges.


12 FAQs about Anger and Irritability

What is irritation?

Irritation is a common human emotion that can occur in various situations. It is an emotional response that affects everyone differently and is often triggered by frustration, stress, or being overwhelmed by other people’s behaviour.

What irritates?

Various factors, including stress, fatigue, unmet expectations, and communication problems can irritate. Differences in values, behaviour, and personalities can also irritate people.

How can irritation be managed?

Managing irritability requires openly communicating in a non-accusatory way. Focusing on solutions and adjusting expectations can help improve the situation. For children, it is essential to understand their perspective, set clear boundaries, use positive reinforcement, set aside time to talk about their feelings and model healthy behaviours to deal with frustration. If necessary, more help can be sought in therapy.

I feel irritated with my partner all the time. What should I do?

Communicating about needs and focusing on expectations and solutions is essential. Couples therapy may be necessary if you have been unable to break patterns on your own.

What is couples therapy?

Couples therapy is a form of psychotherapy that aims to help couples resolve conflicts, improve communication, and strengthen their relationship.

What are the steps in the treatment of relationship problems?

Treatment often starts with an assessment phase to identify problems. This is followed by the active treatment phase, where work is done on tools and strategies. Finally, there is a closing phase where the treatment is summarized, and further work after therapy is discussed.

What is IBCT?

IBCT (Integrative Behavioral Couples Therapy) is an evidence-based therapy that aims to help couples accept their differences and work on increasing closeness and understanding. It does this by improving emotional acceptance and empathic communication. It combines behavioural changes with acceptance strategies.

What is EFT?

EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) is an evidence-based therapy that focuses on building and strengthening the emotional bond between couples. This is done by exploring and reshaping negative patterns of interaction that contribute to the relationship issues.

Can we do couples therapy online?

Yes, at Lavendla, all therapy sessions are conducted online.

I feel annoyed with my children. What can I do about it?

If your children irritate you, trying to understand their perspective is essential. Set clear boundaries, use positive reinforcement, talk to them about their feelings, and model healthy behaviours. If necessary, more help can be sought in therapy.

My partner has mental health problems. Can we go to couples therapy?

If you or your partner has problems with depression or other mental health issues, it is essential to seek help for this separately from couples therapy. These problems often must be addressed before or simultaneously as couple therapy for the best results.

Where can we seek help as a couple?

Contact a registered psychologist or therapist who works with couples if you need therapy. You can book a first appointment with one of our therapists here at Lavendla. We make the difficult easier.

Treatment for relationship problems with Integrative Behavioral Couples Therapy (IBCT)

Integrative Behavioural Couples Therapy (IBCT) is an evidence-based form of couples therapy that aims to help couples improve their relationship. During IBCT, couples learn to accept each other and increase their emotional closeness. IBCT combines traditional behavioural therapy techniques with a focus on change and acceptance. Here is how a typical IBCT treatment usually works:

Initial phase

  • Assessment: Treatment begins with a thorough evaluation of a couple’s relationship. This includes gaining information on their current problems, relationship history, and each party’s perspectives.
  • Feedback session: The therapist will provide feedback based on the initial assessment. This often includes discussions about the couple’s strengths and areas that need development.

Work phase

  • Focusing on acceptance: IBCT emphasizes the importance of accepting differences between partners. The therapist will work with a couple to help them understand and accept each other’s needs, desires, and behaviours that cannot be changed.
  • Emotional closeness: The therapist helps the couple increase their emotional closeness and understanding by encouraging openness and communication.
  • Behaviour changes: Although during IBCT, the focus is on acceptance, this type of therapy also includes strategies for behaviour change. This may involve developing communication skills, solving problems, and improving daily interactions.

Closure

  • Evaluation of progress: At the end of the session, a therapist and a couple will evaluate progress and discuss any other steps or continued support.

IBCT focuses on helping couples develop a deeper understanding and acceptance of each other. This can lead to a more satisfying and sustainable relationship. By balancing acceptance with active change efforts, IBCT aims to reduce conflict, increase closeness and strengthen the emotional bond between partners.


Written by Samantha Pieterse

Sr. Samantha Pieterse is a registered psychiatric nurse who is deeply committed to mental health and well-being. Samantha brings a unique and valuable perspective to her role as an editor for Lavendla South Africa. She has worked in Government and Private mental healthcare institutions in Gauteng and her expertise ensures that the articles on our website are accurate and accessible. Samantha is dedicated to enhancing mental health awareness and education in South Africa.