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Jealousy is a profoundly human emotion that can be overwhelming and challenging to manage. But what exactly is jealousy? And how can we address it healthily?
What is jealousy?
In its basic form, jealousy is a fear of losing something valuable, often a person. It can be a partner’s success, a friend’s, or even a colleague’s success. Jealousy is usually triggered by feelings of insecurity or an inferiority complex.
Signs of jealousy
Jealousy can manifest itself in many ways, including:
- Excessive need for control
- Envy
- Unfounded suspicions of infidelity
- Increased irritability
These signs can differ depending on the individual and the situation.
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Different types
Jealousy is not a constant emotion and can come in different forms:
- Sexual jealousy: Fear of a partner’s sexual attraction to someone else
- Emotional jealousy: Concern about a partner’s emotional bond with another person
- Professional jealousy: Jealousy of someone’s professional success
- Exclusionary jealousy: A fear of being left out, not prioritized or deprived of time or attention from the partner
These types of jealousy can overlap and create complex emotional patterns.
Managing jealousy
Dealing with jealousy is a process that requires self-awareness and sometimes professional help, such as from our psychologists or therapists. Here are some steps to deal with the feeling:
- Acknowledge the feeling: The first step is to recognize your jealousy.
- Reflect on the reasons: Try to understand why you feel this way.
- Communication: Talk about your feelings with someone you trust.
- Seek professional help: Sometimes, seeking help from a psychologist may be appropriate.
When jealousy becomes dangerous
In some cases, jealousy can develop into morbid or even pathological jealousy. This can lead to destructive behaviours and severe relationship problems. In these cases, it is essential to seek professional help. Therefore, it is necessary to distinguish between normal feelings of jealousy and those that are morbid or pathological. The pathological variant is characterized by extreme behaviour and may require more intensive therapeutic intervention, sometimes even medication.
Jealousy in relationships
Jealousy can be particularly challenging in romantic relationships. It is important to remember that this behaviour is not a sign of love but instead of insecurity and fear. Working through these feelings alone or with a partner is essential for a healthy relationship.
Build self-esteem
A strong self-esteem is an essential factor in reducing this feeling. Working on self-love and self-acceptance can be a necessary part of dealing with jealousy.
The perspective of psychology
From a psychological perspective, jealousy is a complex emotion often rooted in deeper emotional issues such as insecurity, low self-esteem, or past experiences of loss or betrayal. It is essential to understand that this is not just an external problem but often a reflection of our internal conflicts and fears.
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Retroactive jealousy
An interesting phenomenon in this area is retroactive jealousy. This means people feel jealous of their partner’s past relationships or experiences. As this relates to situations that have already occurred and cannot be changed, it can be particularly challenging. Even when this happens in the relationship, outside help may be needed to understand the origins of this feeling. Knowing and profoundly understanding the origins of the feeling allows it to be managed more healthily. Although jealousy may not disappear completely, with the help of a therapist, it is possible to learn how to deal with these feelings in a healthier way. Then relationships will work so much better.
Jealousy in different relationships
This feeling is not limited to romantic relationships. It can also occur in friendships, between siblings, or in work environments.
- Friendships: This can arise when a friend spends more time with another person or achieves something we want for ourselves.
- Between siblings: Competition for parental attention can lead to envy and jealousy among siblings.
- At work: Can arise over colleagues’ success or relationships with superiors.
Techniques for dealing with feelings of jealousy
Several techniques can help deal with feelings of jealousy:
- Write down your feelings: What you feel can help you understand and process your emotions.
- Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness can help you stay in the present moment and reduce the focus on negative thoughts.
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): CBT can effectively change negative thought patterns that contribute to the problem.
- Couples therapy is good, but it is often recommended that individuals go to individual therapy to work on their fears on their own.
Jealousy and social media
In today’s digital era, social media plays a significant role in creating and developing jealousy. Excessive use of social media and monitoring of partners’ online activities can exacerbate feelings and experiences.
The first step towards harmony
Dealing with jealousy is a journey towards self-awareness and emotional maturity. It takes courage to confront and work through these feelings. Remember that professional help can be an essential resource on this journey.
We make the hard things easier. If you are struggling with this feeling in any way, do not hesitate to contact us. Our psychologists and therapists have expertise and can offer support and guidance.
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12 FAQs about Jealousy
What does it mean to be jealous?
Jealousy is an emotion that often occurs when a person experiences the threat of loss or competition for something or someone valuable. It can include fear, worry, and often a sense of insecurity or inadequacy.
Where is the limit for jealousy?
The line is drawn when jealousy negatively affects one’s well-being or relationships. It is essential to distinguish between the healthy and unhealthy varieties.
What is normal jealousy?
Normal jealousy is a natural emotion that occurs sporadically and does not control your actions or relationships. It becomes problematic when it is constant and causes changes in behaviour.
How do you know if someone is jealous?
Signs can include frequent questions about your activities, need for control, and negative comments about people you associate with.
How do you manage your jealousy?
Managing jealousy involves understanding its causes, communicating openly about your feelings, and working on self-confidence and trust.
Can jealousy affect a relationship?
Yes, jealousy can affect relationships, often negatively, by creating suspicion, conflict and lack of trust.
Is jealousy linked to love?
Jealousy can sometimes be mistaken for love, but it is essential to distinguish between loving care and controlling behaviours.
Why do some people feel more jealous than others?
It may be due to personal experiences, insecurity, past relationship trauma or low self-esteem. If you have experienced betrayal or sudden endings/breakups, this can leave a negative mark that may contribute to jealousy.
Can therapy help with jealousy?
Therapy can be very effective in dealing with jealousy, especially in exploring its root causes and developing healthier ways of thinking and behaving.
How does social media affect jealousy?
Social media can amplify feelings of jealousy through constant exposure to others’ lives and relationships, which can create unreasonable comparisons and expectations.
Is jealousy more common in romantic relationships?
Although jealousy is most common in romantic relationships, it can also occur in friendships, family, and work environments.
How can you support a jealous partner?
Supporting a jealous partner means being open to communication, showing understanding, and creating an environment of trust and safety. You can also seek help from one of Lavendla’s couple therapists or psychologists.
Steps for coping with jealousy
Dealing with jealousy can be challenging, but navigating these feelings with the proper support and techniques can become more accessible. Here is a step-by-step guide to managing jealousy feelings in consultation with a psychologist or therapist:
1. Recognizing and accepting emotions:
Before you can work on your jealousy, it is essential to acknowledge that you are feeling it. Although jealousy is a normal human emotion, it must be managed healthily.
2. Identify the causes:
Explore the causes with your therapist. Is the jealousy related to a lack of self-esteem, past experiences, or fear of loss?
3. Communication:
Learn to express your feelings constructively. Communicating with your partner, friend, or the person evoking the feelings can help resolve misunderstandings.
4. Self-reflection and personal development:
Work with your therapist to improve your self-esteem and confidence. This can include exercises to strengthen your self-image and self-esteem.
5. Emotional regulation strategies:
Learn techniques to manage strong emotions. This could be breathing techniques, mindfulness or other relaxation methods.
6. Understand and work with the triggers of jealousy:
Identify specific situations or behaviours that trigger your feelings of jealousy and work on strategies to deal with them.
7. Building trust:
Focus on building trust in your relationships. This may involve practising giving and receiving trust.
8. Create an action plan:
With your therapist, create a concrete plan for dealing with jealousy outbursts in the future.
9. Regular follow-up:
Regular sessions with your therapist to evaluate your progress and adjust your action plan if necessary.
10. Support from loved ones:
Engage your friends and family in the process. Their support can be crucial to your success.
Remember, it is essential to seek professional help if you feel jealousy is affecting your well-being or relationships. We at Lavendla are here to make the hard part easier when you are ready to talk to a psychologist or therapist.
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